


Stranded

by Caedmon



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: 3:20 speculation, Angst, F/M, Felicity confronts Ra's, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Foundry, Headcanon, Implied Smut, Insecure Oliver, Kinda, Laurel Lance & Felicity Smoak Friendship, League of Assassins - Freeform, Morning After, Olicity Wedding, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Felicity, Protective Oliver, Schmoop, Shotgun Wedding, Speculation, angsty Felicity, angsty Oliver, olicity - Freeform, resolved tensions in the offing, season three speculation, smut writers have my utmost respect, the fuckening
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-03-23 06:49:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3758488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caedmon/pseuds/Caedmon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the wake of Thea's murder, Oliver must go to Nanda Parbat. He and Felicity take steps - drastic steps - to protect each other, before they are forced to say goodbye.</p><p> </p><p>A headcanon/speculation fic for Episode 3:20 (and beyond?)</p><p>Rated T for implied smut and swearing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When You Come Undone

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing except errors because I have no beta.
> 
> This is headcanon, speculation, wild guessing and daydreaming. It's just for funsies.  
> I'm halfway through chapter 2 already and have sketched out chapter three...I'm certain there's more, just haven't jelled it up yet. 
> 
> Kudos and comments make me smile like the Cheshire cat.  
> Come say hi on tumblr! Seriously. Messages make my entire day.  
> caedmonfaith.tumblr.com

Felicity descended the stairs to the foundry slowly, trying to ignore all of the disarray left behind by the SCPD: all of their work from the last couple of years scattered and strewn around the room, giving substance to the unbelievable fact that their race was run. It was all over. Everything was changed now - the end of the line had come for Team Arrow.

Felicity paused at the bottom of the stairs and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders. She blew her breath out and opened her eyes, scanning the room for Oliver, spotting him sitting on a worktable with his back to her. He sat very still, staring at a fixed point, and Felicity could swear she could hear the thoughts in his head chasing themselves around like weasels.

Malcolm had told him about the Lazarus Pit at the hospital, and the fact that this pool of water could bring Thea back - but only if Oliver accepted the mantle of Ra's Al Ghul. She'd become accustomed to Oliver coming to her for advice, but he hadn't hesitated this time. He'd nodded at Merlyn and told him to have a jet ready to go in four hours. Only then had Oliver looked to her. 

She'd never forget the look in his eyes, how tortured he was, the pain in his face as he sought an answer in her eyes. She had not hesitated at all when she gave him an answering nod, reassuring and confirming him. Oliver had closed his eyes for half a beat before turning back to Merlyn and confirming that he would have his affairs in order and be at the airfield in four hours. 

Now she stood at the bottom of the stairs to the foundry amidst the wreckage of everything he had built and prepared herself to be what he needed, choosing her words to -

"Felicity."

It wasn't a question, but an acknowledgement of her presence - just barely above a whisper. The pain crackling beneath the surface cut her, and she closed her eyes again, taking another deep breath. Felicity started towards him, stepping carefully around carelessly emptied drawers and papers knocked off tables, studiously not looking at the fern lying on the ground in a mass of dirt and pottery shards.

"I'm here."

Oliver didn't look up, and Felicity knew he didn't need to. After years of living by his senses, he was fully aware of where everything and everyone was in his vicinity. It had always warmed her that he had always trusted her. It warmed her even more that right now, when he was the most vulnerable that she had ever seen him, he was okay with her walking up behind him. He knew that he had nothing to fear from her, and being reminded of his level of trust in her brought up a wellspring of fierce feelings for this man. Love. Pride. Protectiveness. _Love._

She reached him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, feeling his solid warmth beneath the impossibly soft cotton of his t-shirt. He didn't move, didn't flinch, didn't acknowledge her and she walked around the edge of the table, coming to stand beside him, smoothing her hand over his shoulder and bicep - never removing it, sliding it down to his forearm when she came before him. 

"I'm here, Oliver." He didn't give any acknowledgement, he just stared straight ahead. 

Felicity waited. She knew this man, her man, better than anyone. The two of them had taken the time to see every part of the other, to find out what made each other tick. She knew how to be what he needed. Oliver needed her comfort and strength right now, and he needed quiet reassurance. She would give it to him. Felicity would give him whatever he needed. She silently skimmed her hand further down his arm to where his hand rested in a fist on his thigh. Felicity lightly wrapped her fingers around his fist and waited.

Oliver sat without moving. Felicity said nothing, occasionally stroking her thumb across his fist to let him know she hadn't gone.

"I've lost everything, Felicity."

Felicity looked up at him, but the only change in him was a wetness to his eyes. She sensed he had more to say, so she stayed quiet.

"Everything I have ever loved has been taken from me. I have nothing left anymore. It's all gone. Everything but you."

Felicity's breath caught and she tried to blink back tears. _Oh, my poor, poor Oliver._

"I can't lose you, Felicity. I _can't._ Do you understand? I wouldn't survive it. I have to know that you will be okay, or there is no way I can do this. And I have to do this, I have to become Ra's al Ghul. He hasn't left me any choice. He will kill you next if I don't, I know he will. He has systematically taken away the things closest to me one by one, but he's left the person I love most for last. I can't let him get to you. Going with him should appease him, but I can't go on if I don't _know_ that you are safe." Oliver opened his hand, pulling Felicity's fingers into his and squeezing. "I could not survive it if anything happened to you."

Tears spilled over onto Felicity's cheeks and she swiped at them with her left hand, resolutely keeping her mouth shut and her right hand trapped inside Oliver's, determined to let him finish. 

Oliver finally broke his gaze with whatever he had been staring at, looking down at the ground in front of him and opening up his hand to thread his fingers with Felicity's. "Felicity, I've asked you to do some really strange things. I've put you in some really bizarre situations. But I'm about to ask you to do one more thing for me, to do one more strange thing for me so that I can know you're protected. So that I can have just a little peace of mind."

Felicity nodded. Oliver looked up at her, boring into her eyes for just a second, searching, then looked back down at his feet, stroking her fingers between his.

"I'm sorry to do this Felicity. I'm so sorry, for everything..."

"What is it, Oliver?"

He chanced a glance back up at her. She watched him, her expression questioning but open, her thumb stroking his softly, seeking to give comfort.

Oliver turned his shoulders towards her slightly and grabbed her other hand. "Felicity, I wouldn't ask this of you if I didn't feel like it were the only way. I don't want to make you miserable, but I want to keep you safe. I don't know any other w-"

"Oliver, spit it out."

"Felicity, I need you to marry me."

Felicity stiffened and Oliver's hands squeezed hers reassuringly. "Oh."

He watched her for a second then sighed, letting her left hand go and dropping his eyes back to the ground. "I have to be come Ra's al Ghul. There's no other choice left to me. I won't be able to stay here and keep you safe. But if you are the wife of the Heir of the Demon, even in name only, there is no one who would dare touch you, not even Ra's. I can ensure your safety 100% if you are my bride, but not any other way. I can't think of any other way."

Felicity didn't speak, her mind reeled. _Oliver's wife. Oliver's *wife*. But in name only? What does that even mean? That's not what I want. What does any of this mean?_

"Oliver..."

"I won't tie you down, Felicity." Oliver shook his head and looked away, struggling with himself. "I won't hold you to your vows if I'm not being a true husband to you. Nobody even needs to know. You just need to be my wife to be under the protection of the League. I just need to know you're safe. I _have_ to know that you're safe. I can't live with the knowledge that something may happen to you. The thought of losing you is just-"

"Yes."

"I didn't want - what?"

"Yes, Oliver. Let's get married. Now. John can do it."


	2. The Shore That I Land On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver breaks on the plane to Nanda Parbat.
> 
>  
> 
> *ANGST*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I own nothing but the mistakes, because I am beta-less.  
> This is headcanon, speculation, and daydreaming for funsies.  
> There's more coming, working on it now...  
> comments and kudos are so, so, so welcome and keep the fires burning, y'all.  
> caedmonfaith.tumblr.com

Oliver sat in a leather seat by a window on Malcolm Merlyn's jet, watching ocean peek out from beneath clouds, seeing nothing as he drowned in his thoughts. Malcolm had relieved him of watch duty over Thea an hour before and sent him to sleep, but there hadn't been any sleep in the cards for him. Oliver couldn't imagine ever sleeping again. At no point in his life had he ever been so besieged, and nothing he had ever faced had been so demoralizing or had left him so utterly gutted. After this attack from the League of Assassins, Oliver felt like what old photos of bombed out buildings looked like. Desolate. Charred. Empty. Hopeless. Even during all of the times he'd been injured, tortured, abandoned to die...there had been hopes to cling to. Now he had only one. One slim, blonde hope.

o0o

 _'Do you guys have vows?'_ Diggle had asked.

 _'Yes,'_ he had answered. He had taken her hands into his and looked into her eyes, baring his soul, knowing she would be the only person who could see him no matter what he said. _'Felicity Meghan Smoak, I know I can't give you what you deserve. I don't have any rings and couldn't get you a big dress or church or any of that. I know you aren't getting everything you dreamed of, and I'm so sorry. But I vow to you that you, your happiness, your safety and your well-being are the most important things in the world to me. I love you, Felicity. My heart, my soul, belong to you.'_

Tears had glistened on her lashes before dropping to her cheeks and Diggle had prompted her, _'Felicity?'_

_'Oliver, you called me your partner one time. I promise to always be your partner. I'll always do my best to be what you need, no matter what you need. And I-'_

The phone had rung, startling all three of them. He had never wanted to throw a phone so badly in his life. He had snatched the phone out of his pocket and listened to Malcolm tell him that the plane was ready and they could leave anytime. He was curt when he told Malcolm they were on the way, then dragged his finger across the phone's screen to end the call and looked back to Felicity expectantly. She lowered her lashes, blushing. They both looked to Digg.

_'I pronounce you man and wife.'_

Oliver had smiled softly, the only smile he remembered in weeks, and cupped her face as he bent to press his lips to hers. He had kept her lips there only a moment before he pulled away to look into her eyes, staring into the blue depths behind her glasses.

_'I love you, Felicity. Don't ever doubt that for a second.'_

_'I won't.'_

He had kissed her again, indulging himself in the taste and feel of her before Dig had cleared his throat. _'We gotta go.'_

The tenuous film that made up the bubble around them broke and they stepped back from each other. _'Right. Let's go.'_

o0o

"Oliver?"

He startled, jumping backwards and away from the sound and touch that had awakened him.

"Hey, hey," Felicity said soothingly, putting her hands up in a gesture of surrender. She started to slide out of the seat next to him where she had sit just a moment before. "It's just me. I didn't realize you were asleep. You rest, I'm sorry." 

Oliver shot his arm out, catching her leg in a loose but firm hold. "No! Don't go."

She froze, looking at him with skepticism. "You need to rest."

 _No, I need you._ Oliver bit back the answer that sprung to the front of his brain and just shook his head. "No, it's really okay. I'd like it if you stayed with me. Please."

Felicity hung there for a moment and he lightened the grip on her leg but didn't remove it, hoping to communicate without words that he wasn't going to hold her there but he wanted her with him. She watched him, evaluating him in that way only she had (and that always disarmed him with its accuracy) and finally gave him a weak little smile, sliding in beside him. "I'd love to." He didn't remove his hand, leaving it on her leg but letting it slide naturally as she settled herself into the large seat beside him.

He turned his head back towards the window, looking over the ocean and noting the lack of clouds. The sun caught the sea's ripples and sparkled at him, the bright twinkling a bitter, taunting echo of the bleakness of his spirits. Oliver absently rubbed a circle on Felicity's thigh with his thumb, staring out of the window at the expanse of seascape. 

He felt Felicity slide her hand into his and he held it there, feeling the soft weight and warmth anchoring him to the last remnants of his sanity, to the last tattered shreds of hope he had left.

"Merlyn is with Thea," she said. "I tried to go in to relieve him, but he wouldn't leave." Oliver nodded. It had been unspoken between he and Malcolm that one or the other of them would be with her at all times. Thea would be constantly attended by her father or brother. They would trust no one else. She was their responsibility, and theirs alone.

"I think..." He drew a breath and shook his head in disbelief, still looking at the water, "I think he loves her, Felicity. I really do. I think that psychotic son-of-a-bitch loves my sister." He shook his head back and forth twice as if to deny something ridiculous then looked up toward the roof of the cabin for a moment. "I thought more people loving you was supposed to be a good thing." 

Oliver's voice broke and he choked out something that he meant to be a laugh. 

Felicity seemed to hear his thoughts (she always did) and squeezed his hand gently. "It's going to be okay, Oliver."

Oliver gave another shake of his head, this one smaller, and went back to looking out of the window. The clouds were back and he didn't know which were mocking: the fluffy softness of the clouds compared to the jagged hardness in his heart or the glittering water compared to how despondent he felt facing his situation.

He loved her, God knows he loved her more than his next breath, but there was no way that he was going to be able to save this. He didn't have a good plan. He didn't have a bad plan. He didn't have 12% of a plan. He had nothing to save him here. All he had was her.

"It's not, Felicity. Nothing will ever be okay again. My family is gone. My city is lost to me. This is the end of okay."

"Oliver." He felt her leg shift out from under his hand as she released it and turned herself in her seat so that she was facing him fully. "Look at me."

He shook his head, bringing his now free hand around as he turned his head and shoulders towards the window, away from her. Pinpricks at the backs of his eyes warned him of the inevitable and he bit the inside of his cheek. _Suck it up, Queen. This is not the time. They're all counting on you, you have to be what they need._

Felicity's voice took on an edge without raising in volume. "Oliver. _Look at me._ " 

He knew that tone. He knew she wouldn't back down, she was going to get answers, and soon.

_No, she can't possibly understand. She can't know what's happening here, what I've done. She could never understand, and she could never love me..._

Oliver tripped on his own thought. He leaned his forehead against the window, the cool glass doing nothing to calm the raging inferno in his brain as the first tears fell. He let go of a soft sob, so quiet only Felicity could hear him. He felt ashamed, afraid, knowing that she would see him like this. He was her husband. He was supposed to keep her safe - hadn't he vowed to do just that only hours before? Wasn't it his job to protect her, prop her up, hold her close and comfort her?

Their marriage was four hours old, and he had already failed as her husband. Oliver had been doomed to fail before he even asked her to marry him. Ra's had ruined everything. _Everything._ He might be able to keep her safe, but Felicity would have to see him broken like this. Hot shame rolled through his chest and the tears came harder.

Soft hands tugged him, pressing his shoulders back against the seat. Felicity slid herself into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his head into her chest and kissing the top of his head, whispering softly. "Oliver, tell me. It's okay to tell me."

Oliver's face crumpled. He threw his arms around her waist, clutching her close as he wept, the sound of his ragged, raw sorrow not entirely muffled by the safe harbor of her chest nor the sounds of her soft, soothing shushing. He didn't care. Oliver surrendered to the enormity of his devastation and grief, allowing the pain of eight long years that had been festering in one gigantic boil to finally, finally be lanced and begin to drain. Years of loss, of death, of destruction...it flowed out onto the blouse of the IT girl he never would have looked at twice eight years ago... now his wife. 

His wife who held him firm, stroking him gently with small strokes so that her strong grip on him never lessened, kissing the top of his head as she whispered, _"shhhh...it's okay, baby....you can tell me....it's okay...."_ His wife, the woman he'd loved from afar for almost two years now. She had been his faithful friend, the rock that he stood on, his safe harbor. She was the one he could always rely on for the answer when he was lost. She was the shore that he landed on. She was his mountain - firm and permanent, beautiful and strong. Felicity. _His wife._

His wife, the woman he'd never get to be with. The woman he was going to have to send away and never see again. 

_Oh, God, no. Please, no._

Oliver sobbed brokenly.

Felicity held him close, stroking him gently as the desolation flowed from him, sheltering him and letting him draw from her strength. She let her own tears fall into his hair, refusing to remove her arms from around him long enough to wipe them away. Oliver needed a safe place right now, he needed to be comforted. Her mascara be damned. 


	3. Fly Into This Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and Felicity discuss their new relationship as the flight to Nanda Parbat continues.
> 
> (in which there is a fluffy interlude)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing but the mistakes because I have no beta. 
> 
> Did you know that every time you leave kudos, Oliver winks at Felicity?  
> Did you know that every time you leave a comment, Felicity smacks Oliver on the ass?  
> Did you know that if you tell a friend about a fic you like, the love fern grows another inch?
> 
> All of these things are 100% true.  
> caedmonfaith.tumblr.com

"So what do we tell people?"

Felicity felt Oliver's sigh, and owing to the fact that she knew him better than anyone, she could almost predict his answer just from the way the exhalation of his breath made her settle more closely against his chest and the way his hands, stationed at the small of her back and her thigh squeezed her so, so gently. She nuzzled her cheek against his chest and smiled, enjoying the bubble of closeness while it lasted, ignoring the reality they were flying into. 

"You're assuming a lot."

"I believe in my husband," she retorted lightly.

Felicity felt rather than heard his pulse spike beneath her left ear and his hands squeezed her again. They sat in silence for a moment, the warmth of the moment flooding her and Felicity considered that she had been silent more as a wife than she had ever been in her entire life. 

"What do you _want_ to tell people?"

Oliver's voice rumbled low in his chest and she could feel the anxiety coming from him in barely-controlled waves. She adjusted herself in his lap, sitting up to look at him properly and Felicity saw the apprehension as he watched her. She weighed her words carefully, measuring her thoughts before crafting them into chapter and verse. He had a lot pinned on her answer, and saying the right thing at the right moment was never her strong suit. This was no time for a foul-up. 

"Everyone asks about us," she began. "They think I'm some kind of arm candy, booty call, or something."

Oliver tensed, affronted. "You're not. Nothing like that. You never have been."

Felicity smiled, placing a hand on his chest placatingly. "I know that. Nobody that knows us thinks that at all, not even our enemies." He relaxed. "But a lot of those people wonder what you're doing with me. You and I being together - it's not what they want. They're afraid you've been snookered somehow."

He chuckled in spite of himself. "Snookered?"

She rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean."

"I do," he smiled.

"I don't know. Maybe if they watched us together, they would understand us? I mean not watched us, just saw us in action. I mean not-!"

Oliver chuckled again. "I know what you mean."

Felicity counted backwards from three. "What I'm trying to say is: if people saw our dynamic, maybe they would understand what we mean to each other." Felicity felt his chest rise sharply beneath her hands at her words, but she kept her eyes away from his, afraid of losing her nerve. She continued, "but honestly, they _still_ probably wouldn't comprehend the depth of our connection."

Oliver sat perfectly still beneath her, not moving at all, waiting. Felicity closed her eyes and took a deep, slightly shaky breath. _Tell him, Felicity. He's your husband now. You can tell him everything. He loves you. Tell him._

_But you're flying halfway across the world to drop him off so he can become the CEO of Assassins, Inc._

_No, he's always come back from these things. He's beat everyone he's gone up against. He defeated death by sheer force of will for crying out loud. He loves you. He deserves to know you love him, too._

_But I'm afraid._

_That's okay. Be afraid with Oliver. Tell him._

_I can't._

"Felicity?" 

Oliver's soft voice startled her from her thoughts and she jumped a bit, opening her eyes as the thoughts faded to grey jumble in her mind.

"I don't know, Oliver. Everything is really confusing right now. It's all happening so fast."

"It is," he agreed, and Felicity saw that he was valiantly trying to hide how crestfallen he was, "and I'm so sorry. I never wanted you to get caught up in my crazy life. I wish I could say I'm sorry I dragged you -"

Felicity put one finger over his lips. "Don't," she interrupted. "Don't say that. I'm not sorry at all."

Oliver quirked his lips before kissing her fingertip. "We're on the run from the law, flying to meet the League of Assassins, and you're not sorry I got you caught up in this?"

Felicity shook her head. "It's where you're going. It's where I want to be."

Oliver watched Felicity for a moment, searching her for truth, maybe for reassurance, then cupped her jaw and pressed his mouth to hers. She opened to him slowly when he moved his lips over hers gently but a little insistently, deepening the kiss for just a moment before pulling away, still cradling her head and neck, peppering kisses to her mouth.

"I love you," he whispered. "I will always choose you. When I met you, I thought I was lost. You found me." He kissed her again, softly, then pulled her into his arms, tucking her head under his chin. "I thought I had lost all of my humanity. You gave that back to me. When I realized that I was falling for you, I fought it. It was so stupid. I tried to tell myself the feelings I had felt were dead, or hadn't existed in the first place. " Felicity felt his arms tighten around her as he gave a short chuckle. "Who was fooling who? You've owned me from the minute I saw you in Walter's office and you said I was cute."

Felicity raised up, peering at him, incredulous. "Ex _cuse_ me?"

Oliver smiled, shamefacedly. "Yeah, I had to come back to Starling City while I was gone. It's a very, very long story and I'm going to tell you every detail. But part of it is that I had to break into QC to take something from Walter's office and saw you talking to yourself - well, to a picture of me - and from that moment you've had a hold on me."

Felicity looked at him, tilting her head and cocking an eyebrow. "You have a lot to tell me."

"I do. And I'll tell you all of it. Everything. Because that's the thing, that's what I was getting at."

Felicity looked at him, still incredulous, fighting irritation. She tamped it down. They didn't have time for that at the moment. Their time was entirely too precious for anything other than happy things and necessary evils.

"What?"

"You are the refuge I've never had."

Felicity sat, stunned. "I don't know what-"

"Felicity, I've lived my entire life feeling like I had woken up blind in a burning house. Well, I still feel like that, but now I have you telling me where to go." Felicity brought her hand to her mouth as her breath caught. "The house may be a cinder and there might be nothing left to lose, but I still run to you, Felicity. I'll always run to you. I love you."

Felicity's hand moved to her throat and she nodded, the tears that had been teetering perilously on her lower lashes surrendering to gravity and splashing against her cheekbones.

"Oh, _Oliver..._ I -"

"Oliver? A moment please?"

Oliver's hands dug into Felicity's flesh and his jaw clenched at the sound of Malcolm Merlyn's voice. "Who is with Thea?", he demanded.

"I left Roy with her so that I could speak with you. It's urgent, and I feel that she's safe enough."

Felicity's head swiveled back to Oliver and misery engulfed her, watching him snap back to the reality they faced and out of the peaceful interlude they'd shared. He looked into her eyes, gentling the grip he had around her. "Please don't go far, okay?", he muttered. "Just because I'm working with him doesn't mean I trust him. Merlyn is a snake."

Felicity nodded and cut her eyes to Malcolm. "Be careful." 

He kissed her nose as he slid out from under her. "I'll be okay." 

Oliver gave her a terse smile as he stepped into the aisle. She smiled back, watching his back as he walked towards Merlyn, wondering if he hadn't just told her the first lie as husband and wife.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY. SO.  
> First let me just say that I wrote this in a really short time with all three kids jumping all over the place, so I'm so, so sorry for all the mistakes (like was it really Walter's office? I'm not sure!)
> 
> I had had a loose idea of what was going to happen in this fic. Then, today, I got wrapped up in a mindless task and got to thinking about all of the spoilers in the last 24-48 hours... This resulted in this fic expanding way beyond the 3 planned chapters. Now I'm looking at 5? Maybe even 6-7 chapters? 
> 
> I have a little finagling to do to get to the big plot points, so there might be some sloppiness in here, and for that I am SO sorry. But I'm hoping that you'll like the end results!! 
> 
> I'm really, really excited about this. <3 <3 <3
> 
> p.s. I know this one has a loose thread ('what do we tell people?' wasn't decided) but that's intentional. _I HAVE A PLAN._
> 
> **edit**  
> Speaking of sexytimes.... (Someone brought it up in a comment)....  
> Smut? Yea/nay? I'm not great at it...none of my smutty fics have ever knocked it out of the park before, plus there are _amazing_ olicismut writers I fangirl over all the time who I could never hope to rival. Thoughts?


	4. Mated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Arrow (such as it is) lands in Nanda Parbat, and Felicity has a chat with the Demon's Head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of quick notes about this chapter:  
> ~As always, I own nothing but the errors because I am sans-beta.  
> ~I don't speak Arabic, so I'm almost certain that I screwed up the spelling of Al Sa-him. I spelled it the way I'd seen most people say was correct on tumblr, and I'm so sorry if it's wrong!  
> ~My original plan was to oscillate between POVs, Oliver then Felicity then Oliver, so this should have been Oliver's. But I had to throw that idea out of the window yesterday and there isn't any rhyme or reason to which chapter has who's POV now. Next chapter will have Oliver's though, I think. ;)
> 
> Remember what I said happens when you leave kudos/comments/share a fic?  
> STILL TRUE!  
> xoxoxo  
> caedmonfaith.tumblr.com

The jet made almost no sound as it descended into the rapidly cooling desert evening. Felicity watched the landscape grow in the small window with narrowed eyes, clenching and unclenching the leather-covered armrest. The buds in her ears sang loud and raucously, melodies that would jangle anyone else's nerves but focused and soothed hers. Her head rolled in slow circles according to the music, intensely focused on what was coming, letting herself slip into the mental place she had to be in to deal what she was up against.

The sudden hand against her back made Felicity cry out, and she turned in her seat to see Oliver standing behind her, his hands raised. She jerked the earbuds out with one hand and covered her heart with the other hand, letting out a huge breath as she sank back into the plush seat. "Oliver," she sighed. "You scared me."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to." 

Felicity had thought she had tamped down her fear, but the tone of his voice and look in his eyes as he sat beside her caused the cold, heavy weight in her stomach to come back. She folded her earbuds up and nodded, not meeting his gaze. "It's okay," she said, "I was just lost in thought."

Oliver didn't answer her, he just sat silently. Felicity spent as long as she could putting away her earbuds in her backpack before looking back at Oliver. His face was as grim as her spirits, and any thoughts she had had for speech flew out of her mind.

Thankfully, he spoke.

"Felicity, I've spoken with Malcolm at length. Some things have changed, but things are still incredibly, incredibly dangerous here. Unspeakably dangerous. I want you with me at all times, but I know I'll have to be away from you some of the time. If you are not within my immediate sight, I want you with either Diggle or Malcolm. Do not allow yourself to be away from one of the three of us. Both of them are aware that they are responsible for your care." 

"You expect me to stay with _Malcolm Merlyn_ if you're not around?"

"I do. He and I have come to some understandings." Oliver paused and his eyes softened a little. "Felicity, please. Please don't do anything stupid here. There's nothing to prove. Please don't slip the leash. Stay with one of the three of us. Please don't wander off."

Felicity looked into his tortured eyes and set her jaw. She slipped her right hand into his and squeezed it gently, drawing his eyes to it. Her left hand slipped behind her back, her right pointer and middle fingers crossing themselves like a child.

"I won't."

 _Well,_ she thought miserably, _I guess that evens the spousal-lie scoreboard._

o0o

They approached the compound as the sun set, a riot of brilliant reds and oranges lying against the ground, oppressed beneath spangled velvety blues and violets. _Wow,_ Felicity thought, _Oliver had said this place was opulent, but I didn't think that would apply to atmospheric conditions, too._ The desert was nothing new to Felicity after growing up in Las Vegas but she felt a luxury, a richness to this land that she couldn't explain. It made her distinctly uncomfortable.

Oliver was carrying Thea in the front, flanked by Merlyn, followed closely by Dig. She trailed behind, taking everything in, casing the environment, observing everything around her. Making mental notes. 

A hooded man met them. He spoke from the black depths of his hood, a sharp contrast to the hazy glow of light around him. 

"Al Sa-him. The Demon's Head has been waiting for you. You may take your sister and compatriots to the vestibule. We will go into the Holy Place anon."

Felicity saw no motion of Oliver's face or head at those words, but as they continued to walk she watched from behind as Oliver stared the hooded man down. Just as the two were at their closest approach and Oliver was turning to enter the compound, the hooded man's face came into view and he gave Oliver an almost imperceptible nod.

Oliver's jaw clenched and he looked away, saying nothing as he carried his sister inside the building towards the magic hot tub.

Felicity slowed her steps just a bit, waiting to let her friends get a few steps ahead of her until she was alone with the hooded man. _He looks so familiar... Has he been in Starling City? Whatever. It doesn't matter. Do it, Felicity. It's go time, Smoak._

Felicity squared her shoulders and looked into the man's eyes.

"I demand an audience with Ra's al Ghul."

o0o

_Chambers this sumptuous couldn't possibly belong to a man so incredibly cruel. The man who murdered Thea couldn't ever appreciate this._

Felicity found herself letting her fingertips sink down the velvet drapes before her eye landed on a jewelry box, dark grey with an intricate opalescent pattern. Her hands longed to touch, and she let one finger trace the smooth, whirling pattern.

"Quite breathtaking, isn't it?"

Ra's al Ghul stood in the door, regarding her with hands clasped easily behind his back. Felicity jumped back and began to stammer, "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to - I didn't mean to - I was only -" She raised her hands in front of her almost defensively, backing away from the box slowly. "Really, it's not what it looks like..." _Jesus CHRIST, Felicity, you were just fondling the jewelry box of the world's most dangerous assassin! What do you THINK it looks like? You IDIOT! Oh, WHAT is Oliver going to say??_

The Demon's Head chuckled and started into the room in a slow circle, waving one hand dismissively at her as he came. "Ease your mind, child. I have nothing to fear from you."

Felicity stopped her retreat in the middle of the room and straightened up, dropping her hands, her eyebrows raising while she watched him.

His eyebrows rose to match hers and he turned his head without changing anything about his meander around the outskirts of the chamber. "Do you disagree?" he challenged. "Shall I fear you?"

She watched him silently, again lamenting that someone so incredibly good at saying the wrong thing at the wrong time would be in a situation where one false verbal move could be devastating. Felicity sized him up, this man who had caused her so much misery, who had destroyed her love, and realized what was riding on the next few moments. She clenched and unclenched her hands but chose to stay silent, swiveling her body to stay facing him.

Ra's smiled. "You are a smart girl."

 _MIT class of '09, bitch,_ she thought.

Ra's came to the jewelry box she had been caught touching and looked at it, tracing his finger along the inlay she'd just been tracing. Felicity shuddered.

"I took this from a count in Spain. It was payment for the safe return of his daughter-in-law, who had been kidnapped in a dispute over heirdom." He opened the box and pulled out a cuff bracelet, beaded with hundreds of glittering purple and gold gemstones. "This bracelet was payment from the daughter-in-law." He ran his thumb over the stones, seeming to forget she was there. "It was payment to forget the count existed."

Felicity finally spoke. "I see you kept both."

Ra's chuckled, unperturbed. "Indeed I did."

"Which did you betray?"

Ra's didn't answer, he just put the bracelet back in the box and closed the lid, running his hand across the smooth surface thoughtfully. "Tell me, child," he asked without looking at her, "did you happen to notice how smooth the surface of this box is? It is made up of two substances - the ebony and pearl are clearly different. You can see a distinct line between the white and the black, yes? Yet you can feel no division between them. Correct?"

Felicity nodded slowly, suspiciously.

"They are mated, child. Just as you and Al Sa-him are mated."

Felicity stood there, stunned. 

Ra's ignored her. "The ebony and pearl do not seem as if they would be such a perfect fit, you see. Everyone knows their beauty and value on their own, after all. To someone who does not know better, they seem an utter mismatch. But as we see," Ra's looked toward Felicity, gesturing back towards the box, "they are meant for each other, truly." 

"But," he continued, "even as well-crafted as this box is, as perfectly in sync as the ebony and pearl are, with time and effort, the two could be separated and utilized for different purposes. And that is why you are here. You are here to be separated."

"I'm sorry for you."

The statement was unexpected, and it was Ra's turn to look stunned. He turned, looking at her from below his brow with his head tilted upwards slightly, as if he hadn't heard properly. "I beg your pardon, child?"

Felicity had always been the person that said too much of everything, who never knew when to shut up. She'd always been the diarrhea-of-the-mouth girl. She tended to run hot-or-cold, and her propensity to be flighty was renowned. But this man - this Demon's Head - had just hit a new vein of emotional depth in her. She felt a deep, rolling anger that was unfamiliar to her and wondered vaguely if she were going to be able to stop it if she got in danger of going too far with this brutal killer.

"There is no pardon for you and I'm not your child, don't call me that again. My name is Felicity. And I said that I'm sorry for you."

_So much for not going too far..._

Ra's al Ghul laughed, bringing his hands back behind his back, taking two steps towards her. "Why would you possibly be sorry for me?"

"Because you actually think you've won. You've gotten so accustomed to getting everything you want for hundreds of years that you don't see the ass-kicking you're about to get coming down the pike. And I would like to be able to laugh about it, but Donna Smoak raised me better than that, so I'm sorry for you instead. You've no idea you've actually lost, and it's sad."

Ra's laughed again, a big, raucous laugh that didn't move Felicity at all. She just watched him with narrowed eyes as he laughed at her, waiting until he finished. 

"Oh my girl," he finished, chuckling, "a woman whose stream cannot be bent is a rare treasure indeed, I do see the appeal to you!" Ra's smiled at her warmly. "It is my fondest hope that your flame is never dimmed, child."

"I asked you not to call me 'child'," Felicity said.

"Indeed you did," Ra's replied dismissively waving his hand as if to swat a fly, still smiling. "I am much more interested in why you think I am doomed to fail."

"Because you can't stop love in action."

The laugh died in Ra's mouth, leaving only a smirk behind on his lips. Felicity flushed in embarrassment, thinking of what that sentiment must sound like to someone who dealt in death and blades. "Oh?" he said. 

Felicity nodded and he made a gesture indicating she should expand. She swallowed, remembering suddenly that this man was called the Demon's Head and that was probably for a reason. 

_You've come this far. Oliver is already going to be livid. In for a penny..._

Felicity began: "Oliver said that you told him that the the League of Assassins works to replace evil with death, and you call it justice. But you're wrong, you're so wrong." Ra's raised an eyebrow challengingly, and she continued. "How is replacing something bad with something that's _also_ bad justice? It's just piling crap on crap. All you get from that is a giant stack of shit." Ra's grinned broadly. "Oliver already _did_ that," she continued, "and it _failed._ It was efficient, sure, but you know when things started going RIGHT? When he started replacing evil with something _else_. When Oliver started replacing the evil he saw with second chances, with rehabilitation...when he started replacing bad with _good_...it made a _real_ difference."

"You can't stop love in action. Oliver decided to fight dark with light."

"Is that so?"

Felicity fairly snarled, "Yes."

Felicity noticed the amusement glinting in Ra's al Ghul's black eyes and stopped herself, biting her lip to ensure her mouth didn't run away without her brain. She clenched her fists, her fingernails creating moons in her palms while he appraised her.

He started walking around her, slowly, as if circling prey. _I will not fear you,_ she thought.

"Tell me, child-"

"I told you not to -"

"I am not here to quibble with you, girl." Felicity bit down on her retort. "Tell me. When you cry, it is for good reason, is it not? You are not prone to unnecessary weeping, I think."

Felicity darted her eyes to the right for a moment as he disappeared behind her, looking straight ahead when he was gone and fighting to control herself with such a threat being out of her immediate sight. She struggled to answer him with her mind reeling. "I...I don't like to think of myself as prone to hysterics..." _There ya go. Nice, unironic answer._

"No." She jumped when she heard him from her left shoulder, much closer than she expected. "I wouldn't expect you do, because you are not. You have a great amount of grit, girl, and heart. Are you aware that your name means 'happiness'? It seems apt. This may surprise you, but I actually admire you a great deal."

Felicity swung around to look at him with wide eyes and he smiled at her. _He can't possibly be being genuine...right?_

"I would like to give you a bit of advice if I may, child."

She nodded, not remembering to balk at the use of the diminutive.

"You and I are hearing the same melody, but it sounds different to each of us. There is nothing wrong with that, on the whole, except that I am Ra's al Ghul and the melody I hear is the melody that will be sung. Do you understand?" Felicity opened her mouth to protest and Ra's raised his hand; "shush, now, child, and listen. I aim to help you, just as I am helping him fulfill his destiny."

Felicity's eyes pricked and she blinked back tears, refusing to allow this man to see her break.

"Go to him tonight. Tell him with your words and your body how you feel, that you love him. Seal it with a vow, the most sacred vow. But do not tarry. Do this tonight, child, because he will send you away tomorrow." 

Tears splashed on Felicity's cheeks and she bowed her head. _No._ She brought her hand up to cover her eyes and bit her lip, trying to stifle a sob.

The Demon's Head gently lifted Felicity's chin with one hand, wiping an errant tear away with the pad of his thumb, looking at her not unkindly. "Yes. It brings me no pleasure to say so, nor to hurt you, but truth doesn't change if you don't believe it."

Felicity bowed her head again, her face wincing into a grimace of tears and sinking into Ra's warm hand. 

"You and Al Sa-him are mated, yes. But you will be pulled apart. Perhaps you can find a way to hold onto each other."

Ra's removed his hand and stepped away, watching Felicity with resigned sympathy. She indulged her grief for a moment, one arm around her middle and her hand across her mouth, as if to comfort herself, hold herself up and shush herself simultaneously. She allowed herself only a moment, however, before squaring her shoulders and sniffing loudly, tossing her hair and looking boldly at Ra's al Ghul.

His lip quirked. "Good girl," he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how to add pictures to a fic, and don't know if it would be at all helpful to see a picture of the jewelry box/cuff bracelet I was looking at. If you want, I can link you to the pics somehow or figure something out. :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! Kudos and comments feed my soul. <3 <3 <3 <3  
> caedmonfaith.tumblr.com
> 
> Y'all know what comes next, right??


	5. Save Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She looked down at his bare chest under her hand, stroking the cleft between his pectoral muscles lightly. "So...that happened."
> 
> Oliver's smile broadened. "It did. A couple of times."
> 
> She blushed endearingly. "We should have done it sooner."
> 
> "I agree."
> 
> "I wish we hadn't made such a big deal out of it. I mean, not that _it's_ not a big deal. It certainly is. It's a-"
> 
> Oliver dragged her up to him, stopping her mouth with a kiss and rolling her beneath him, bringing his hands up to capture her face. The kiss began as a passionate exchange: tongues battling and teeth clashing. It quickly melted into something else...something gloriously slow and sweet. Oliver pulled his lips away to look into her eyes seriously, dropping one more quick, chaste kiss.
> 
> "I have _always_ wanted to do that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First - the usual beginning notes:  
> ~I own nothing but the mistakes. I have no beta (but if anyone would like to beta me, I'm open to it.)  
> ~kudos and especially comments give me life and keep me going. Thank you guys so much for your input. I adore you to the ends of the earth.  
> ~ please, come hit me up on tumblr - caedmonfaith.tumblr.com
> 
> Notes specific to this chapter:  
> ~I spent two days trying to write smut and it was terrible. I finally gave up and cut it out. Smut writers have my undying admiration. I can't do it.  
> ~I've been really sick with bronchitis/sinusitis and a fever since Saturday, so if this is less "writing" and more "lobotomized gorilla banging indiscriminately on keyboard", I apologize.  
> ~We've ventured farther into the land of speculation/headcanon in this chapter. I'm fully aware that this isn't going to happen. It's just for funsies.
> 
> Thank you guys for sticking with me. There's more to come (which will almost certainly no longer be speculation and be almost 100% fanfiction) if you guys want it! Hope you enjoy. :)
> 
>  
> 
> _Go on and close the curtains,_  
>  'cause all we need is candlelight.  
> You and me and a bottle of wine,  
> gonna hold you tonight, oh yeah. 
> 
> _Well, we know I'm going away_  
>  And how I wish, I wish it weren't so  
> so take this wine and drink with me  
> let's delay our misery... 
> 
> _Save tonight_  
>  Fight the break of dawn  
> Come tomorrow  
> Tomorrow I'll be gone  
> Save tonight  
> Fight the break of dawn  
> Come tomorrow  
> Tomorrow I'll be gone 
> 
> _There's a log on the fire_  
>  and it burns like me for you  
> Tomorrow comes with one desire..  
> to take me away,oh it's true 
> 
> _It ain't easy to say goodbye,_  
>  darling please don't start to cry.  
> 'Cause girl you know I've got to go, oh  
> Lord I wish it wasn't so 
> 
> _Save tonight_  
>  And fight the break of dawn  
> Come tomorrow  
> Tomorrow I'll be gone  
> Save tonight  
> And fight the break of dawn  
> Come tomorrow  
> Tomorrow I'll be gone 
> 
> _Tomorrow comes to take me away_  
>  I wish that I, that I could stay  
> but girl you know I've got to go, oh  
> and Lord I wish it wasn't so 
> 
> _Eagle Eye Cherry - "Save Tonight"_

The balcony doors were open: perhaps to let out the current, overwhelming sorrow, or maybe to bring in fresh air for this hellhole to contaminate. Oliver didn't know. Either way, the desert seemed either to not know or not care about the abject misery in Nanda Parbat. She blew her cool night breeze into the compound, playfully nipping at candles, taunting the inhabitants with with thoughts of freshness, coolness - new life and new beginnings. An especially cruel taunt tonight.  


Oliver sat on a lush velvet couch, elbows resting on his knees, his tormented face a stark contrast to the halcyon surroundings. Every thought in his head swirled and screamed and fought for dominance, none making any sense right now. Stress and grief had brought him to a place where if he were left to his own mental faculties, he was left with disjointed half-thoughts that he could only try to string together and make a cohesive one-sided mental conversation out of. Things like - candles used to make him sneeze before _The Queen's Gambit_ , and he wondered idly why these didn't. Maybe he had just toughened up so much over the last eight years. Then he wondered if the branding they were going to do tomorrow was going to be like when Slade had electrocuted him, or if it was a different kind of pain? 

He just wanted Felicity out of here before then. She had been through enough in the last few hours. He should be branded over and over for putting her in the position he had, but it was done and all he wanted was to get her out of here safely. Oliver had already sold his soul to the devil once in the last 24 hours, and he'd sell it again if it meant she got home safe and without seeing him the way he was about to be. He practically already had done just that.

oOo  


_Oliver stepped to the back of the plane with Thea and Malcolm, ignoring the latter but taking a seat opposite him beside Thea's bed. He picked up Thea's left hand, careful to avoid the IV tube in her pale, fragile skin, and gave her a soft little kiss across the knuckles._

_'Hang in there, Speedy. We're almost there.'_

_'I think I have a way.'_

_Oliver didn't look up at first, he just stroked his sister's frail hand, noting the lack of polish on her fingernails and despairing at the bluish, cyanotic tint._

_'I don't think I want to hear this.'_

_'You do.'_

_Oliver gritted his teeth and the hand around Thea's tightened involuntarily. He turned his head to look at Malcolm, snarling, 'do you have any idea how much I do not give a fuck what you think? This is entirely - all of it - your fault.'_

_Merlyn looked at him coolly and Oliver took a minute to take a good look at Malcolm Merlyn, realizing that he had not done so in weeks, perhaps months. He was clearly grief-stricken: his eyes and nose were red, his jaw was set, the lines around his eyes were deep, speaking of regret and sorrow._

_Malcolm held his gaze for a moment before he swallowed and his voice broke. 'I know.'_

_Oliver was brought up short. He had never expected to see anything resembling remorse coming from Malcolm Merlyn after the last three years. A whole lifetime of mixed feelings whirled in an already jumbled brain..._

_'This is my fault, Oliver. This all began with me, and I know it. But it can end with you, and it has to. I can help you.'_

_Oliver gave an almost infinitesimal shake of his head. 'Why should I believe you?'_

_Malcolm slid his own hand out of Thea's limp right hand with extreme gentleness, standing up and stroking her hair back from her forehead then kissing the area he'd cleared softly. He stood up, walking over to the minibar and tossing cubes into a tumbler._

_'Oliver, I recognize that everything I'm about to tell you is horribly cliche'd and is going to sound condescending and I apologize for that. I'm going to trust that given your - unfortunate life experiences with this, you'll have some understanding where I am coming from when I tell you this.'_

_Oliver didn't say anything, he just watched as Merlyn selected a bottle of expensive whisky._

_Merlyn found the liquor he was looking for and began to pour, his back still to Oliver. 'You see, I know am a bastard. I am a horrible human being. I acknowledge this. But almost universally, even horrible human beings love their children. I am no exception.' Merlyn tossed his head back, swilling the brown liquid, the ice clinking in the glass._

_Oliver watched silently, stroking Thea's hand absently. Merlyn set the glass down on the jet's bar with a thunk, the ice rattling. He braced his hands against the bar, locking his elbows and hung his head for a moment, the glass still sitting between the fingers of his right hand, then turned around to face Oliver._

_'Oliver, in all of my schemes, my children were to be 100% protected. At no point were they ever to be in any danger at all. Ra's al Ghul,' he pointed to Thea, 'hurt my baby. That's out of bounds. My children were not a part of this.' Merlyn's eyes flashed as he hissed the last few words, spitting them out as a snake spits venom. 'Ra's al Ghul thought he was attacking the Arrow and the Magician. But he attacked the Brother and the Father.'_

_'Ra's al Ghul fucked up, Oliver,' he said, quickly regaining his calm that was somehow more frightening. 'As long as it were just you or I, all was fair. Or fair enough. But he's gone after my daughter now and all bets are off. If you and I can call a truce, for Thea's sake - for all our sakes - we can defeat the League of Assassins.'_

_Oliver's eyes were narrowed to slits. 'You have a plan?'_

_'I do.'_

_'What do you get out of it? What do you want out of this?'_

_'Two things. Thea walks away, and I get a fatal blow on Ra's once you're appointed the Heir.'_

_Oliver stared at him for a long moment, contemplating. Finally: 'Okay. I'll listen to your plan. But if I agree to it, there are a couple of things I want, too...'_

oOo

The red draperies and flames swayed gently in the opposite direction than the breeze had been blowing them, and Oliver tensed before he heard the first footfall and a small measure of relief filled him. 

"Hey." 

The voice that filled his head even when she wasn't in his ear on comms reached him and he felt himself relax a little. He turned his head slightly to see her standing beside him, just out of reach, looking at him with the concern he'd long ago grown used to from her. 

"Hey."

She walked over to the ottoman in front of him and scooted it closer so that she was sitting almost close enough for him to touch. "You okay? I mean, I know you're not, but are you?"

Oliver ducked his head and nodded, a small, sad bob of the head. "I suppose." He sighed. "I should have just let her go, Felicity. She's....she's not Speedy anymore. It was wrong to try to bring her back." He paused for a moment. "And I'm so sorry for the position I put you in."

Felicity sat quietly for a minute, contemplating. "Oliver, do you remember when the Count had me and you shot him?" He nodded. "Do you remember what you said to me when you got back to Verdant and I apologized?"

Oliver shook his head. His brain was too fuzzy to remember much of anything anymore.

"You said, 'he had you and he was going to hurt you. There was no choice to make.'" Oliver looked at her blankly for a second then bowed his head without saying anything. "Oliver, the person I hit wasn't Thea and she was going to hurt you. There wasn't any choice for me. You did the right thing bringing her back, but I'm only partly sorry for what I did. I'm kind of sorry I hurt that thing that was after you that may or may not be Thea, but I'm so sorry that I hurt you. That's my real regret." 

Oliver sniffed. "She'll be okay. At least, she'll be okay from a blow to the head you dealt her when she attacked me. I don't know if she'll be okay after what I did to her. I can't even look at her right now."

"Malcolm is with her."

"He was right, Felicity. I should have let her die. Trying to keep Speedy with me hurt her, it hurt you, it hurt everyone."

"Hey." Felicity reached out and grabbed his hand, bending low at the waist and looking up from beneath her brows at him. "You saved her life. Malcolm thinks she may be okay in the long run. If not, there are places she can get help, medicines that may help treat her. You did the right thing."

Oliver was quiet a long minute. Felicity held his hand, waiting for him. At length, Oliver sniffed again and raised his head, looking at her. "What did Ra's al Ghul have to say about it?"

Felicity froze, her eyes widening. She released his hand and and sat up. "Oliver, I-"

"I'm not mad, Felicity. I just want to know why. He is an incredibly dangerous man. He has been systematically destroying the things that mean the most to me, and you put yourself directly in front of him. Why?"

"I'm not entirely sure why," she answered honestly, shaking her head. "I think maybe I just wanted to see my competition."

"He's not competition for you," Oliver said quietly. 

"No?" she smiled ruefully. "Sure feels like it."

Oliver looked at her seriously. "There never has been any competition. It's always been you."

Felicity's smile died on her lips. "I don't -"

"It may not always seem like it, but I will always choose you, Felicity."

She made a move to stand up. "I don't see how this is choosing me, Oliver."

He grabbed her hand. "You will." She shook her head. "Felicity, everything in my life has brought me here. To this moment. Every decision. Every compromise. Every situation. Every fight. Every relationship...it's all brought me to Nanda Parbat."

Oliver sat quietly for a moment, looking at the hand he held, stroking his wife's ringless finger, studying it.

"Felicity, I love you. I've loved you for longer than you know. I've needed you for longer than that. I denied it and tried to ignore it; I've tried to move on and be with other people even before you had any idea that I was in love with you. There's been heat and spark with other people, but it's never been enough. With you, it's always been written in capital letters, right in the sky. 

And I tried to protect you from all of this, I tried to protect you from the misery that I somehow knew was coming for me. I never wanted this for you. When I told you all I wanted was for you to be happy, I meant that. I still do. I always will. But I'm a storm in your life, Felicity. I'll never bring you anything but misery. You'll probably be happier with me here-"

"Shut up, Oliver."

He looked up at her suddenly. 

She was smiling at him, a small, secret smile he'd never seen before. His heart beat against his chest wildly. 

"I love you."

Oliver blinked at her stupidly, not quite believing.

"I love you, Oliver. You make me happy. There is no other reason I would be here right now. And you know I'll be here tomorrow. And I'll be there waiting when you come home to me."

_'When you come home to me...' She wants me to come home to her?_

Oliver's brain whirled with the implications of her statement. For months - years - he had told himself that he was undeserving of a girl like Felicity. Like he had told Barry, guys like him didn't get the girl. There was no way he could ever be worthy of her, or so he told himself. He'd begun to let himself believe that she may be able to love him one day, then she took up with Ray and he realized that he'd forever ruined everything. Felicity was lost to him forever. He would love her from afar for as long as he lived, but she would never love him. Oliver had spent hours drilling that into his head, torturing himself and trying to build a tolerance against the agony of seeing her but being unable to have her. He couldn't allow himself to hope that she would come around one day. 

But now...now she says...

"...you'll be there waiting...for me...?"

Felicity smiled, a real smile that sent bright, warm joy radiating through him. "Where else would I be?"

Oliver placed his hands on the outsides of Felicity's knees and slid forward on the velvet couch slowly, bringing his knees between her legs. She watched him, not moving when raised his hands to her glasses, pulling them off gently, lying them beside him on the couch before leaning towards her, agonizingly slowly.  
His voice was very low and he tried not to sound like he was pleading when he said, "say that again, please."

Felicity's mouth turned up. "Which part?," she asked slyly.

He brought his hand up, grazing the pad of his thumb across her lower lip. "The part where you told me you loved me." 

She flicked her eyes down to his lips before she looked boldly into his eyes.

"I love you, Oliver."

His lips met hers, softly coming together in a swirl of emotion. The kiss was both sweet and passionate, brief and endless, raw and tender, a promise and benediction.

Oliver broke away from her to catch his breath, letting his fingers trail down her jawline and laying his forehead against hers. He needed to hear those words again, needed that reassurance. He'd lost his pride long ago when it came to this woman, and he didn't care. "Say it again, please?"

She didn't smile this time. She stroked her nose against his, whispering before dipping her mouth to his. _"I love you."_

There was no warning. Gently but firmly Oliver pulled her onto his lap, pulling her flush against him, slanting his mouth against hers. He threaded his fingers through her hair at the nape of her neck, luxuriating in how soft it was in his hands while he ran his tongue against the crease of her mouth, waiting for her to open for him. 

Every thought was obliterated when she did.

His tongue moved against hers, soft and slow, and he made an unconsious little grunt of pleasure in her mouth when she rolled her hips against him. Oliver brought his hands down to the lapels of her jacket, pushing it off her shoulders without breaking the kiss and felt her hands begin to scrabble at his waist, between her legs.

"Say it again, Felicity."

Felicity whipped his shirt over his head and tossed it aside, bringing her hands to his cheeks. She looked down into his eyes, smiling that small, secret smile again and Oliver prayed in that moment to a God that he'd stopped believing in somewhere in Asia that he would be the only man to ever see that smile again. He clutched her hips and pulled her against him firmly, helplessly, hissing a little, almost unable to contain himself while he waited for her.

"I love you, Oliver Queen."

She bent to him and he craned his neck to her, both moaning at the moment of contact. Her hair made a blonde curtain as if to hide them both from unwelcome eyes. Oliver's arms tangled around her, pulling her closer in an instant until their bodies were pressed impossibly close. Felicity's arms wrapped around his neck and shoulders, clinging, her fingers carding in his hair. Oliver felt himself coming to life, the words and touch he'd so desperately craved from the woman he loved so much unfurling his heart like a leaf in the sun.

Felicity undulated against him in his lap, creating a delicious friction. He banded one steel arm low around her waist, urging her on, rising to meet her. Suddenly, he felt the loss of her arms around his neck. Pulling away slightly, he saw her reaching around his arms, tugging at the waist of her t-shirt. Oliver stripped her of it, bunching it in his hand and completely forgetting to toss it aside when he felt the whisper of her lips against his neck. He gripped the shirt like a lifeline, clutching it as he brought her skin against his, leaving no room - _wanting_ no room between them. 

Oliver thought he said something to her - he had no idea what - when he felt her whisper an unknown reply against his neck. He groaned - partly in agony, partly desperate pleasure while Felicity's mouth nipped, kissed and licked its way up his neck, down his jaw, and towards his mouth. The scent of her hair was all around him, and he thought wildly that he was going to buy every purple bottle of shampoo he could find when he got home. She seemed proud of herself when she planted a final kiss on his chin and pulled back to look at him, dragging a finger through the scruff on his cheeks. "Bed?"

"Felicity..."

"Oliver, I want this."

"I don't just want this, though, Felicity. This isn't just sex for me. I don't just want skin-to-skin here. I want soul-to-soul. I love you. I want you. Forever."

Felicity bent over and kissed him softly, chastely. "Me, too."

Oliver's control was annihilated. He smashed his mouth to hers, kissing her hungrily, standing up and carrying her to the bed effortlessly. 

oOo

Oliver Queen was happy, and he had no right to be. His sister was...unwell. He was about to be forced to become the head of the League of Assassins. The city he loved so much had turned on him. Any reasonable man would be miserable and depressed, possibly unable to cope.

But Oliver Queen was not unhappy. In fact, he was happy beyond what was reasonable, because Felicity Smoak was snoring softly on his shoulder, her arm weighing across his belly and tucked under his arm, her leg thrown carelessly across him, drooling ever so slightly on his bratva tattoo. He knew she would be mortified. It was absolutely the most beautiful thing he had ever experienced in his life. 

He had slept very little the night before, not wanting to miss a moment of being able to look at her at his leisure. Oliver had spent the hours memorizing the way the candlelight played across the soft, curving planes of her face, how her body made red, rounding, hilly terrain of the sheets, the way her skin felt under his hands. He'd luxuriated in the warmth her body gave off, realizing that he'd never known a comfort like that before. He'd not let one second of the night pass that he wasn't touching her somehow, craving the soft contact that he knew he would miss in the coming weeks that were sure to be hell. This woman...this woman was everything to him. 

Oliver had made love to her the way his body had ached to, and then loved her in all the ways his heart ached to. 

And, as it had every time he thought about it, his pulse spiked when he remembered that she loved him, too.

_Oliver Jonas Queen, no matter how bad it's been or how bad it's about to get, you're a lucky son-of-a-bitch._

He thought for the thousandth time about waking her up. Oliver didn't know how much longer they had, and he wanted just a little more time with her. More than a little. As much as he could get, actually.

Felicity stirred against him as if she had heard his thoughts and he bent his head to kiss the crown of her blonde head, hugging her to him. She squirmed, swimming up out of sleep, rubbing against him and he fought the urge to groan. She seemed to realize where she was suddenly and froze, pulling herself on one elbow to look up at his smiling face, blinking for a moment before she smiled back. 

"Hi." 

"Hi." She looked down at his bare chest under her hand, stroking the cleft between his pectoral muscles lightly. "So...that happened."

Oliver's smile broadened. "It did. A couple of times."

She blushed endearingly. "We should have done it sooner."

"I agree."

"I wish we hadn't made such a big deal out of it. I mean, not that _it's_ not a big deal. It certainly is. It's a-"

Oliver dragged her up to him, stopping her mouth with a kiss and rolling her beneath him, bringing his hands up to capture her face. The kiss began as a passionate exchange: tongues battling and teeth clashing. It quickly melted into something else...something gloriously slow and sweet. Oliver pulled his lips away to look into her eyes seriously, dropping one more quick, chaste kiss.

"I have _always_ wanted to do that."

oOo

Oliver sat propped against the plush pillows of what was now his bed, his head leaned against Felicity's, inhaling her familiar scent and committing this moment to memory. Felicity was curled on her knees beside him, under his arm, her head nuzzled into his neck. Their hands joined in his lap, fingers interlaced, and both watched each other occasionally stroke one another's fingers idly. 

Maseo had come to his room not long before and informed them that the time was near, they had an hour before he would be back to escort Felicity away. That had been twenty minutes ago, so they had forty minutes until the end of the world. 

There was so much to say. There was nothing to say. So they just held each other and waited. 

Felicity broke the silence. "I love you."

Oliver squeezed her hand. "I love you, too. Are you comfortable?"

"Mmm-hm."

"Good." He turned his head awkwardly and kissed her forehead, prompting her to raise her face and kiss his lips quickly. Felicity went back to her position and her thoughtful silence.

It was a few minutes before Oliver spoke. "You know, we never did decide whether to tell people, or what to tell them."

Felicity didn't answer him for a moment. "I love you, you love me. What is the question here?"

"Whether we tell people that."

"I don't see why we wouldn't. It's already pretty much common knowledge."

"Because it could make you a target."

"This again? I'm already a target and will continue to be. Plus, I thought we solved this by getting married. "

"Not if we don't tell people we're married. And not in the court of public opinion. Physically isn't the only way you could get hurt, Felicity. There's nothing I can do about people being an asshole to you." Oliver stiffened as realization dawned. He raised his head and looked down at her. "If you knew and accepted you were already a target, why did you marry me?"

Felicity didn't move from where she burrowed against his shoulder. "Did you miss the part about how I love you?"

Oliver's lips turned up smugly and he lowered his head against hers again. _She married me because she wanted to. God save me from a woman smarter than me._

"I still don't want you being harassed or tormented."

"I'm not worried about that."

He sighed. "I don't want people hurting you at all, in any way." 

"The only pain I'm worried about is the thought of you not coming home."

Oliver thought for a moment before answering. He so desperately wanted to tell her about his and Malcolm's plan, but didn't know how to, didn't know whether or not the walls had ears, and especially didn't know if he could ever possibly get her to keep out of it. In a low voice, he said, "I've never not come home Felicity. Trust me."

He felt something warm and wet against his shoulder. "I'm trying."

"Hey." He pulled her away from him. The tears that carved sparkling furrows down her face cut him deeper than any blade ever had, and he wiped them away with his thumb. She leaned her damp cheek into his hand and he felt another tear slide onto his palm. "It's going to be okay. All I need right now is to keep this connection with you, okay? Don't give up on me. Stand in my corner, that's all I need. That's my advantage, to know that you're in my corner. That's what gives me an edge. Do you understand? Can you do that for me?"

Felicity nodded and he pulled her into his lap, folding her into his arms and holding her close. "I love you. It's going to be okay, I promise. I won't let it be anything other than okay." She nodded again, spreading a wetness on his t-shirt. He rocked her gently. "Just don't forget that you love me, okay?"

She huffed a laugh against his chest, then sniffled and sat up in his lap, wiped her eyes, and adjusted herself on his lap a little while Oliver rubbed circles on her back. 

"I just don't know what I'll do with myself while you're gone. Every day will be a huge bag of worry and just another day at the same time."

"Take care of Thea. Hang with Dig and Lyla. Buy something awesome for Sara's first birthday from Uncle Oliver. Find somewhere for us to go now that the Foundry is ruined. Get us another fern. Hang out with Caitlin and Cisco. You can do anything you want...just wait for me. I'll come home to you. I will always find my way back to you."

Felicity slipped one hand around his neck, pulling him close for a slow, easy kiss that said more than anything she ever could have. "Please be careful. I love you, Oliver Queen."

"I love you, too, Felicity Smoak."

She smiled against his lips. "My name is Felicity Queen."


	6. Kettle Corn, Sherlock and Sympathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody knows the kind of hell Felicity is going through right now.
> 
> Nobody but Laurel Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is, by a great big, fat long shot, my highest-rated fic ever. Ever.  
> THANK YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
> 
> First - the usual  
> ~ I continue to own nothing but mistakes  
> ~ your comments and kudos give me life. Thank you so much  
> ~ to the people who have sent me messages on tumblr, God bless your hearts.  
> caedmonfaith.tumblr.com
> 
> Chapter-specific notes:  
> I actually had this chapter and the next partially drafted before I had anything else written, and the song that inspired this chapter is where the title for the whole fic came from. Lyrics at the bottom.  
> I had this chapter all but finished Saturday, and my daughter (who is lovely and I mean that) deleted the entire thing. And somehow, she managed to delete it in such a way that I couldn't recover it. So...it's a couple of days late, and I apologize for that.  
> We've entered the realm of fanfic here. I'll be referencing canon here and there (like Nyssa and memory loss), but it's 90% deviation at this point.  
> Thank you SO much for reading. Hope you enjoy! <3

Felicity dipped her spoon into the tub of cookie dough, noting with slight embarrassment (but more dismay) how far down it went before it found what it was after. _Whatever,_ she thought, scooping out an overlarge spoonful and putting it in her mouth upside down. The dough melted as she sucked on the spoon and she used her free hand to grab the remote from the coffee table where it sat, perched beside her fuzzy-socked feet. She resumed her position, propping her wrist on her knee, aiming her remote at the television and flipping channels.

There was a knock at the door and Felicity groaned. There was no use in pretending it was anyone other than one of her friends. She loved them, all of them, and she loved them even more for what they were trying to do.

She wished they would go the fuck away.

"Who is it?," she called out, attempting to sound like her normally cheery self. She doubted very seriously that she did; to her, her voice sounded like a grimace.

"It's Laurel." Felicity opened her mouth to call out an excuse, and was headed off at the pass. "I'm not going away, so open up the door, Felicity."

 _Dammit. Dammit dammit dammit._ She tossed the spoon into the bowl and snapped the top on, then pressed the red power button on the TV. "Just a sec."

Felicity made a quick dash to the fridge to store her stash of cookie dough before she made her way to the door. She caught a look at herself in the mirror, though, and stopped. Laurel would, without a doubt, look like a million dollars. She always did. Felicity, however, did _not_. 

She looked down at the baggy, plaid pajama pants with cheeto dust finger marks on them, the Starling City Rockets shirt with a soda stain dribbled down the front then back up at her face. No makeup had been on this face in days, not since Ray had called her into his office to tell her he was signing over 70% of his stocks in Palmer Industries over to her. Before that, it had been even longer since she made herself presentable. She'd tried to hid the fact that her hair was unwashed and stringy by tossing it up in a not-quite-pulled-through ponytail on top of her head. _Real clever, Felicity. No one will ever catch on to that._

Laurel knocked again, startling Felicity. "I was serious about not leaving, Felicity."

She shook her head in defeat as she walked to the door. Laurel Lance would never have looked at her in high school, or she would have made fun of her. Popular, pretty girls were never her friends. Why was this one at her door insisting she be let in?

Felicity reached the door and unlocked it, opening it wide and walking away without looking, leaving Laurel standing in the doorway. "Come in."

Laurel almost smirked at the challenge.

Felicity went back to the couch and plopped down, pulling her legs up to her. She had almost gotten herself back into her comfy little fetal position when she heard the door slam. She jumped and finally looked at Laurel, who was sauntering confidently through her apartment to the kitchen, balancing three bags of groceries.

"Wha-"

"Sorry about that, my hands are full and I couldn't quite catch it so I needed to use my foot. I didn't mean to slam it, though." Felicity caught the twinkle in her eye and knew better. She stood up and watched Laurel march unconcernedly into her small kitchen.

"What are those?"

Laurel set the groceries down, still not looking at Felicity. "They're groceries." 

Felicity was nonplussed. "Why-"

"Because you look like shit. I'm willing to bet $1000 that you haven't eaten a decent meal in the last three weeks since you got back. I'm willing to bet another $1000 that you haven't showered in two days. And I'm not going to lay odds on how long it's been since you bought groceries. So I'm going to fix a decent dinner for you, and you are going to take a shower and put on clean clothes. And then you and I are going to watch Sherlock. You like Sherlock, right? That's what I heard. So we're going to watch that."

Laurel turned around, dismissing Felicity, and went to work unpacking groceries. She opened and closed cabinets, then deposited foodstuffs in them, never looking Felicity's way. 

Felicity watched her, nonplussed. There was absolutely no reason that Laurel should be here, taking care of her. There was no reason that Laurel should be concerned about her well-being, or bossing her around because she hadn't eaten anything but spaghetti-o's and cookie dough in days. Laurel was out of Felicity's league when it came to friendship. Felicity was the IT girl, Laurel was the attorney. They ran with different crowds. The only thing they had in common was Oliver, and they didn't exactly have him in common in the best way. 

Her eyes flooded the moment her mind brought up Oliver's name, then raced around looking for excuses to cry. 

But here Laurel was, bent over, stuffing some leafy green healthy looking stuff in her fridge, still ignoring her thoroughly. Felicity didn't know what to do with that kind of friendship, she had no idea how to be a "girlfriend". Frankly, the thought terrified her. Her closest girlfriend was Caitlyn, and she lived a comfortable 600 miles away. Laurel was opposite from Felicity in almost every way. How was she supposed to do girl talk? Felicity was girly, but her friends were all guys. How was she supposed to-

"Why are you still standing there? Go shower. March."

Felicity hadn't noticed Laurel turn around to look at her, putting her hands on her hips like a mother scolding a child. Felicity's startled little bounce and blink was enough to cause the two large, salty drops that had been threatening to take the plunge from her lower lashes to follow through with their threat and fall to her cheeks, rolling quickly. 

"Laurel, I...I don't know...I don't think...."

Felicity broke, bringing her hands up to cover her face for just a second before she was wrapped in a hug. It was warm, genuine, and Felicity only hesitated for half a heartbeat before she clutched her arms around Laurel's chest and let go, releasing the grief-stricken sobs that she had only permitted at night, when she curled into a ball and pulled one of his t-shirts she had taken from the foundry close so she could smell him. Her body shook with the magnitude of her heartache, and her words were unintelligible when she cried out her pleas against Laurel's shoulder: _Please bring him back. Please let this not be happening. Please let me kill Malcolm Merlyn. Please let this be over. Please let me go back in time and change everything. Please God, just please. I can't do this. Please, no, make this stop._

Laurel didn't need to hear her, she understood every word. She stroked Felicity's hair without bothering to shush her, rocking her back and forth very gently and making no move to stop the tear that cut a path down her own cheek before it rolled over her lip and into her mouth, leaving a familiar but bitter salty taste. 

o0o

 

Felicity shook the bowl, peering down at the tiny crumbs and kernels that littered the bottom. "Did you bring any more of that? I don't remember what you called it..."

"Kettle corn. And yes, I did." Laurel sat her coke down on the coffee table and stood. "I can't believe you've never heard of kettle corn."

Felicity rocked back into the cushions, pulling her legs up under her. "Nope. I've never had any." 

"Well," said Laurel, shutting the door to the microwave. "This isn't even _good_ kettle corn." She paused while she found the buttons and pressed them with a _beep beep beep,_ getting the corn started. "I'll take you to the Fun Fourth downtown this year, and get you some of the real stuff from a vendor. They serve it hot, and the kernels are big and fat, and way crispier than this..." The microwave dinged in the background and Laurel turned to tend to the steaming bag. 

Felicity turned her head, struggling to blink back tears. She'd had other hopes. Very non-specific hopes. But she'd always dreamed of them together someday. _Really_ together. Maybe not.

"Hey..." Laurel sat with a plop beside her, causing Felicity to bounce a little when the couch shifted. "You okay?"

_No. I'll never be okay again._

"Sure," Felicity lied.

"You're not. But you will be." Laurel reached over to grab Felicity's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. She ducked her head low to try to catch Felicity's eye and smiled warmly. "I promise. Now, you want to watch another Sherlock? Or do you want to watch Doctor Who this time? It's up to you."

"How did you even know I like Sherlock and Doctor Who? I mean, I don't think I've ever said anything about it...have I?"

"No, you haven't. Oliver told me." Laurel tossed some popcorn in her mouth while Felicity goggled. 

"Oliver told you?" Laurel made a little _mmm-hmm_ sound around the half-chewed popcorn in her mouth and Felicity asked, "why would he tell you that?" 

Laurel sighed dramatically. "Oh, Felicity. Don't you remember? The boy is in love with you. And I'm his oldest friend. Of course he talked to me.

"But you two...

"Are friends." Laurel left no note of question in her tone. 

"Why are you here?" Felicity burst out, looking up, and immediately felt flushed at Laurel's stricken look. Apparently, her filter wasn't getting better now that Oliver was gone. Apparently, it was broken when it came to every aspect of him and his life.

Laurel sat quietly for a minute, and Felicity's blush deepened. She'd never meant to insult Laurel, and how incredibly rude could she be to the person who had come to help her? How unspeakably horrible could she be?

The tears came again and she ducked her head. "Laurel, I'm so sor-"

"No, it's a fair question. We haven't exactly been BFFs." She turned her body around so that she was facing the blonde, bringing one knee onto the couch. Felicity looked up interestedly. Laurel began slowly and thoughtfully, but quickly picked up steam as her words became more passionate: "I'm here because when this happened to me, people said to me _'oh, I know how you must be feeling,'_ but not a damn one of them did. Nobody understood, nobody had a clue. And people tried to be there for me, they really tried hard to be what I needed, but none of them knew what to do or what I needed. I was so lost for so long, and nobody could understand or help me the way I needed help.

"Now you're here, and you've lost the man you love - but you haven't. You know you need to tell yourself he's lost to you forever - that he's gone and never coming back - so that you can move on and be happy. You know you need to grieve, but you can't. There's this glimmer of hope that he'll come back one day and everything will be fine, and it keeps you from truly believing he's gone. You can't let yourself grieve him as being gone, you grieve him as being gone away."

Tears ran unchecked down Felicity's face, and she nodded.

"But nobody understands. Nobody gets that. Nobody can comprehend the limbo you're stuck in, and the range of emotions that comes with that. Hope that he'll come back. Despair because he's gone. Anger because how the hell could he do this? The momentary flashes of happiness, then the crippling guilt because you think you shouldn't feel anything but misery without him. Nobody can understand that unless they've lived it.

"But Felicity," Laurel dipped a crooked finger to lift Felicity's fallen chin, " _I can._ I've lived it, and I'm not going to let you go through it alone. You're not going to suffer this all by yourself like I did. I won't let you. You're stuck with me until he comes back - and he _will_ come back. You know he will. Oliver is like a bad penny, right?" 

Felicity huffed a laugh and swiped at her eyes. Laurel leaned forward finally, pulling the heartbroken woman into a hug and letting her cry.

But this time, Felicity's cries weren't desolate wails of the lost. This time, wrapped in the warm embrace of a friend, Felicity's weeping took on a new tone. A connection had been forged with the woman who held her as she shook, and for the first time, Felicity's sobs sounded like a step - a tiny, tentative step - on the road to coping.

 

oOo

 

A hooded figure stood in the chilled spring air, his breath creating small clouds of steam that drifted away instantly on the wind. The cold didn't bother him, though. Very little bothered him. This, however - this bothered him.

He was staring at the apartment building across from him. He had no idea what had brought him here: his mission had been to retrieve Nyssa and bring her back to Nanda Parbat, alive. Doing that went against his grain, but he would do as ordered. For some reason, though, he had felt compelled to come to this place. To look at this window. The archer had fought the urge, but finally given in. His curious instinct, which had told him that he would see something interesting and somehow important to him, had been satisfied. In an apartment several stories below, two women held each other. The blonde was obviously quite upset. 

He scowled behind his mask, the wrinkle of his brow and tightening of his grip on his bow the only indication of his angst. He didn't know why, but her pain hurt and angered him.

There was something about this woman. He knew it. Somehow, she belonged to the Heir of the Demon. If she didn't, then she soon would. He didn't have time now. No, he had to follow his orders and retrieve Nyssa. But he would have this woman.

Al Sa-him took no prisoners, but he would this time. This blonde woman would be his, one way or another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _You know it only breaks my heart_  
>  To see you standing in the dark,  
> Alone waiting there for me  
> To come back  
> I'm too afraid to show  
> If it's coming over you  
> Like it's coming over me  
> Crashing like a tidal wave  
> That drags me out to sea  
> And I wanna be with you  
> If you wanna be with me  
> I'm crashing like a tidal wave  
> And I don't wanna be  
> Stranded, stranded, stranded, stranded  
> I can only take so much  
> These tears are turning me to rust  
> I know you're waiting there for me  
> To come back  
> I'm too afraid to show  
> If it's coming over you  
> Like it's coming over me  
> Crashing like a tidal wave  
> That drags me out to sea  
> And I wanna be with you  
> If you wanna be with me  
> I'm crashing like a tidal wave  
> And I don't wanna be  
> Stranded, stranded, stranded, stranded  
> I miss you, I need you  
> Without you, I'm stranded  
> "Stranded" - Plumb


	7. Sentinel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Al Sah-him wonders about his connection to Felicity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bridge/filler, something that popped in my head and I wanted to get down. It's a bit of an expansion to the end of the last chapter, plus a little more. This was written somewhat hastily so that I can get to the next chapter, the outline of which was written weeks ago! :D
> 
> Sorry it took so long, first Age of Ultron sucked up my world Thursday/Friday and I went camping all weekend! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy...next chapter is coming up soon! :)
> 
> caedmonfaith.tumblr.com

The hooded man stood on the roof, hidden within the shadows cast by the utility building behind him. His keen eyes looked into the building across, staring at the blonde woman with her face in her hands as she cried. He scowled into the darkness, his leather-clad fists clenching impotently. 

She had come to him, and he knew now why he had sought her out. She knew him, and her eyes on him had thrown him into a swirl of emotion that he hadn't expected. When Sarab had approached her to search her person for weapons, a surge of hot anger had washed over him. He trusted Sarab above all other men, but the thought of his hands on this blonde woman forced him to tamp down the base urge to draw his saber and remove Sarab's offending hands forever. When the blonde girl ordered Sarab not to touch her with a ferocity that seemed unexpected, somehow it was _not_ unexpected to Al Sah-Him and pride welled within him. He merely bobbed his head once, granting Sarab's hands a reprieve. 

The girl's distress had angered and hurt him again, and his certainty that he knew her - that somehow she belonged to him - had grown. He wondered, however, with a small upward tug of his lip, who had belonged to who in his past life? The girl's fierce stance left him believing that she was unlikely to be owned, that she was not like the concubines promised him at Nanda Parbat. His desire for her had left little doubt that it would take very little effort from her to have him worshiping at her feet. 

Who was this woman? He knew her, but the full memory of her was elusive. He craved her voice, her closeness, her touch and knew somehow that they were all things that he had had in the past and were being denied to him now, but the full knowledge of her remained out of reach. It tugged at the far reaches of his mind, like a butterfly caught in the web of a spider. He wanted nothing more than to free it. Doing so would somehow save both of them, he was sure. But he couldn't. He felt powerless. 

They belonged together, but he didn't know how or why. He desperately wanted to know, and to return to the life he felt they were meant to have together.

Now he was betrothed to Nyssa, destined to join blood and create an heir with her but the thought left him deeply troubled. He did not love her, but that gave him no quarrel. He could bed a woman he didn't love without problem. There was just something - _wrong_ \- with this joining. He couldn't explain it, but he felt certain that the root lie with the blonde girl in spectacles curled against the wall, crying, in the room that looked somehow familiar to him. Had it been his?

This woman was part of his former life, and he had renounced all of that. Ra's would allow him to retain none of it, but he wanted this. Just this. Just her. Surely, there must be a way. He had to get her out before the Alpha and Omega rained down from the heavens. Oliver Queen loved her, that much he knew. Surely, he was not in so deep that he could murder his love, even if he couldn't remember her? 

Al Sah-him watched her intently, his thoughts chasing each other around his mind, none catching each another. When she pulled a shirt from the chest-of-drawers and curled onto his bed with it against her face, he leaned against the wall behind him and slid downward, sitting with his forearms on his knees. As her sobs died down, his body relaxed. When her eyes closed and her cries turned into occasional snuffles in her sleep, his chin dropped against his chest and he slept.

o0o

There were many things that Maseo did not tell anyone, and one of them was that he still thought of himself as Maseo. 

He had never been an exceptionally intelligent man, but he had always possessed a scrappy sort of smarts that gave him a shot at survival against odds that he never should have beaten. He had learned early in his life never to trust anyone; it had taken years before he had fully trusted his own wife. Akio, however, had had an amazing instinct about people, and had never been wrong in his character judgement. When Akio trusted someone, it was never a wrong choice and Maseo trusted his son's judgement. His son had trusted Oliver Queen implicitly, and Maseo did, too. That trust had never been misplaced. Akio had not yet been wrong, even in death.

Maseo was very good at reading the winds and knew that Ra's had selected an heir for a reason, that his time is near an end. He knew that Ra's was grooming him to be Al Sah-him's first lieutenant. He knew that Ra's was aware of his and Oliver's mutual trust in each other and that it pleased him. 

However, what Ra's did not know is that Maseo's first loyalty was no longer to Ra's al Ghul. That loyalty now belonged to Wareeth al Ghul. He had sworn his own oath to protect the heir. That oath had doubled when Ra's had revealed that he was in possession of the Alpha and Omega that had killed his beloved Akio. 

There were many things that Maseo did not tell anyone, but this was something that Maseo _had_ told someone.

He watched Oliver like a sentinel as he sat on the roof across from his sister's building, watching for intruders upon the the heir's quiet moments. There was dissension amongst other members of the league: loyalists to Nyssa or men who just didn't like the idea of an outsider becoming heir, who might try to eliminate his friend. Maseo was determined not to let that happen. Only Oliver knew what the Alpha and Omega was capable of, and only he knew how to stop it. 

He knew that Oliver did not fully know why he was there, watching the woman in his bedroom, but Maseo assured him from within his mind that he soon would. _Soon, my friend,_ Maseo said, pulling out the phone he had secreted away on his last trip. _You will have no more drugs, and this will all be over soon._

Maseo powered on the phone and pressed the necessary keys. There was a ring, two rings, and then a voice answered, "Yeah?"

"There's been a development. A couple of them."

"We've had one here, too. Been trying to reach you."

"Time is of the essence."

"We can be ready in six hours."

Maseo looked up at Oliver's crouched and sleeping form, thinking of all that had passed between them, all that had happened in the last few weeks, and all that was about to happen. An image of Akio lying in his arms passed before his eyes, and he thought of Oliver's face if he woke from the influence of Ra's drugs to realize what he had done to his city and the people he loved.

"Please be ready sooner. We don't have much time."


	8. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity gets some news and believes her computer is lying to her. She turns to Caitlin for verification and support.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place about 36-48 hours before the last one. 
> 
> All I own are the mistakes, because I have no beta.
> 
> Comments give me life. 
> 
> I have a new OTP-only tumblr!  
> clintasha-n-olicity.tumblr.com  
> Come say hi!

Felicity stared blankly at the computer screen, not believing. Maybe she wasn't comprehending. Something wasn't connecting from point A to point B, anyway. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe she should check the...

No.

No, there wasn't a connection problem somewhere. It wasn't a computer problem. There was just a _problem._ This one, to be specific. This simply could _not_ be true.

_People lie, Felicity. Computers don't. How many times have you said that?_

_Shut up, Felicity_

She groaned out loud. This had to be an exception. This...this had to be a lie.

The cursor on the screen blinked, taunting her.

_hgG - 13,724._

"Oh, frack."

Felicity's stomach lurched and she ran for the bathroom.

>>\----->

The stark white tile of the bathroom wall felt cool and soothing against the hot flesh of Felicity's cheek, and the tears made her skin slippery against the smooth surface. The cool hardness helped her regain her composure and center her thoughts. She had never faced such serious situations nor panicked so frequently in all of her life until she met Oliver, and she thought she'd gotten pretty good at handling herself in crisis situations, but apparently not. This one seemed to have taken her by surprise. But now, though, the shock was clearing just the tiniest bit and she began to do what she did best - she started to analyze the situation. 

First, she had to verify the truth of her traitorous computer. Fast.

_Fast..._

Felicity shifted her weight until she was sitting upright, snatching her phone from her pocket and pressing keys swiftly. She clutched it to her face and darted her eyes around the room. The rubber duckies she'd picked out almost as a joke seemed to mock her now while the phone rang in her ear.

"Hello?"

"Barry!" Felicity gripped the phone to her face impossibly tighter, like a lifeline.

"Felicity? Are you okay?"

Felicity's shoulders slumped and her head drooped at the instant and genuine sound of concern in Barry's voice. _A friend. Oh, thank God. A friend._

"Yes, I'm - I mean, no, I'm not. I don't know, Barry." She began to cry. "I think I need to come see Cait-"

"Where are you?"

Felicity tried hard not to sob loudly in his ear. "My apartment."

"Meet me out front in thirty minutes. Bring whatever you need for a day or so. And wear something that's not likely to go up in flames, okay?"

Felicity huffed a watery laugh. "Okay. Thank you, Barry."

"See you in thirty."

>>\------>

Caitlin spun around in her chair and leaned back a little, looking at Felicity on the table appraisingly. "You do know that I'm not _this_ kind of doctor, right?"

Felicity nodded.

Caitlin continued, her eyes piercing Felicity. "So you know that I can't take care of you indefinitely."

Felicity nodded again. "I know that. I just needed...." she took a shuddering breath. "I needed to see someone I trusted to make sure that what I was seeing and reading was true."

Caitlin nodded then crossed her legs. "Okay. We have two choices right here in this moment. I can talk to you as your friend, or as your clinician. There can be a little overlap, but not a lot."

"First just tell me. Am I...?"

"Pregnant? Yes."

Felicity nodded, then bowed her head and cried. Caitlin came to her, slipping her arm around her shoulders and squeezing her tightly. "Hey. It's going to be okay."

"It doesn't feel like it."

"Of course it doesn't right now. But it is going to be okay, I promise."

Felicity cried into her hands, sitting on an examination table with her friend's arm around her, and wondered just how on earth she had ended up married to an absent assassin and expecting his baby.

>>\------>

Caitlin handed Felicity a tissue and brushed a loose piece of hair back from her face. "You better now?"

"I'm sure I'll cry more later, but I think it's all out for now."

"What do you want to do? Right now, I mean."

"Well, what do women usually do?"

Caitlin squeezed her shoulder and took a step back. "Well, that's up to you."

Felicity blew her nose gently and shook her head at Caitlin. "I don't understand what you mean. Shouldn't I get vitamins and fat pants and stuff?"

Caitlin eyed Felicity carefully. "Does that mean you're going to go through with this pregnancy?"

Felicity nodded. "Of course. I'm financially stable, I have a large network of support and friends, and I'm old enough to have lived and experienced quite a bit life - I won't be missing out on being young by having a baby now. Besides," she chuckled softly, "I'm totally pro-choice and so is my mother, but I don't think she would ever forgive me if I didn't give her a grandchild. And I can't imagine..." She smiled weakly, tears gathering. "I can't imagine ever being with anyone else. Plus, you know," a pair of fat tears slid down her cheeks, racing to her chin, "this baby is Oliver's. Of course I want this piece of him."

Caitlin came back over and hugged Felicity tight, giving her a squeeze before pulling away. Keeping her hands on the blonde woman's shoulders, she smiled brightly. "Okay then, we're having a baby! Let me go get the ultrasound machine and we'll see what we've got, that's the next step. And I'll see what I can do about being a clinician _and_ a friend."

>>\----->

Felicity had no idea what she was looking at. It was all a mass of grey, black and white to her. Caitlin prattled on excitedly, occasionally pressing on her abdomen and saying, "sorry! Trying to get a better look...the amniotic sac good, everything is attached to the anterior wall..." then went back to rattling off numbers and figures.

Finally, Caitlin froze the screen and pointed to a little bean-shape thing in a black circle excitedly. "There he is!"

Felicity looked at her with no small amount of trepidation. "There who is?"

"Baby Queen! Or Smoak. Or Smoak-Queen. Whatever you want to do. But anyway, there you go, there's your baby!"

Felicity just stared at the screen blankly, not comprehending for the second time that day. "It's a boy?" 

"Oh no, it's way too soon to tell that. Your crown-rump length is 1.3 centimeters, so I would put you at about seven weeks, four days. I'd estimate your due date as end of December, first of January. Somewhere around the holidays." 

"But we only...you know..." Felicity blushed and Caitlin looked up at the screen for a moment, "five weeks and a little change ago."

"Pregnancies and gestation are measured by the date of the first day of your last period."

"Oh." Felicity looked back up at the screen, staring at the little nugget there. 1.3 centimeters. Half an inch. But if she looked closely, she thought she could see legs and arms. _Wow._

"The fetal heart rate is 149 which is perfect -"

"It has a _heartbeat_?"

Caitlin beamed. "Sure it does. Want to hear it?"

Felicity nodded. Caitlin squirted a little jelly back on the wand and went back to Felicity's abdomen, moving back and forth until she found a spot. "There we go." She reached forward, not moving the wand, and turned the sound up.

The sound was whooshy, rhythmic, and fast. "That's my baby's heartbeat?"

Caitlin just nodded, smiling.

Felicity stared at the screen, watching the little bean bounce all over the screen. Tears slipped from the corners of her eyes and into the hair at her temples but for the first time in weeks, they weren't tears of fear, sadness or a broken heart. Her tears were hopeful and excited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooo sorry this is so late. I've been adulting all over the place....my car blew up, my daughter turned four (then got sick), my oldest child had testing...it's been a mess. Thankfully (or maybe not?), I have _all next week_ to myself to write. So, with any luck at all, expect lots of updates and other fics!


	9. In Too Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know I love you, but I'm playing for keeps,  
> Although I need you, I'm not gonna make this,  
> You know I want to, but I'm in too deep.
> 
> So listen, listen to me,  
> Ooh you must believe me,  
> I can feel your eyes go thru me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next are a bit different. They're going to kinda-sorta follow 3x22 and 3x23, but are going to deviate from canon here and there (for example, Maseo doesn't die because WTF!?) Most of this is supplement to the episode and deviates canon in order to fit it into this story, but not so much that it's ridiculous.
> 
> Title and summary taken from "In Too Deep" by Genesis because I'm sleepy, I wanted to get this posted and that was the best I could come up with right now.
> 
> All mistakes are mine, some mistakes are deliberate, and I own nothing.
> 
> Every single one of you who reads this, I appreciate you to the ends of the earth.
> 
> Comments make the muse fat and sassy, and keep her producing. <3
> 
> clintasha-n-olicity.tumblr.com

He walked among the red boulders of the desert, the crunching of the coarse sand and rocks not registering. He used no care for stealth - his mind was too far away and the sounds made beneath his boots was of no concern. Nor was the bite of the cold desert wind that whipped around his face. The bitterness actually helped ground him, helped tether and steady him as he regained the footing of reality that had been just out of his grasp for god only knew how long. 

"My name is Oliver Queen," he muttered to himself, "I am alive here and now."

"And I am leaving this place."

>>>\------->

Memories flickered on like stars in the velvety blackness of Oliver's memory as he walked. _He remembered._

Diggle.

Thea.

His life as the Arrow.

_Felicity._

The reason she had haunted him as Al Sah-him suddenly crystallized perfectly when a galaxy's worth of memories surrounding his wife blinked to life. Her eyes, her smile, her laugh. The sound of her voice in his ear. Their wedding. The feel of her skin under his hand. 

_Oh, God, he was to wed Nyssa and destroy Starling City._

The snap of a twig from behind him on the left jerked him from his reverie and his mind cleared. Oliver spun, overpowering the would-be attacker and relieving them of their sword as he knocked the hooded man to the ground. Oliver stood with his sword pointing directly at the man on the ground's neck, prepared to kill. The hooded man seemed careless of his predicament and simply reached up to pull off his hood. 

Oliver lowered his sword immediately. The sight of Malcolm Merlyn had sent another, entirely different wave of recognition and memories washing over him, memories of uncomfortable bargains and uneasy alliances. His arrival both comforted and alarmed Oliver.

"You're late," he growled.

"Yeah, well, Nanda Parbat isn't the easiest place to infiltrate." Malcolm stood, dusting himself and smiled at Oliver, the ease in his manner and expression completely incongruous with their situation and Oliver's mood.

"Don't joke. Things here are much worse than we imagined. We must move immediately. You have to leave tonight. But first, we must talk." He turned to walk away, leaving Malcolm to look after him, nonplussed.

>>>\------->

The fire burned merrily, oblivious to the fact that its warmth was being instantly gobbled by the greedy desert chill and the two men it sought to warm felt none of its effects.

Oliver and Malcolm sat on stones, speaking in low voices so they could easily hear anything or anyone that may be approaching. 

"You must get through to them, Malcolm." Oliver's voice was steady, but Malcolm Merlyn had had Oliver Queen in his home more often than not as a child and teenager, and whether Oliver liked it or not, Malcolm knew him well. He heard the note of fear and entreaty in Oliver's voice that the younger man was trying to keep hidden.

"I don't know that I can. You have done an amazing job of convincing them that you are lost to Ra's forever."

"There has to be some way."

"I'll take Tatsu."

Oliver nodded pensively, looking at his gloved and clasped hands. "That may work. I believe I've spoken of her to Felicity."

Malcolm's voice took on a note of concern. "How are you feeling? Is your head clear now?"

Oliver's eyes flashed at him. "Do not concern yourself with me. You keep them safe."

"Your mental clarity is crucial to this plan working."

Oliver's voice was tight, as were the fists now clenched on his knees. "I am aware."

"Oliver," Malcolm leaned towards Oliver conspiratorially, "I don't mean to insult you. But the lives of millions are at stake and based on your ability to think clearly." Malcolm didn't try to hide the sarcasm when he said, "Forgive me if I'm concerned."

Oliver stared into the distance for just a moment before he looked over to Malcolm. "I appreciate your concern. But the only thing I want you to be concerned about is your end of this plan."

Malcolm gave a small sigh and tiny shake of the head, as if giving up on a wayward teenager. "Okay. Everything will be handled."

"I know that they have to come over here. Please keep Felicity away if at all possible." 

Malcolm looked at Oliver, then at the fire, his jaw cocked to one side, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Felicity is...displeased. She is heartbroken. _And_ she despises me. I doubt even Tatsu will be able to convince her to come along with me." He looked up at Oliver. "But it would be suspicious if Tatsu didn't try, and if she says she wants to come, I cannot say no."

Oliver looked up to the stars, taking a deep breath and blowing it out in a long puff of steam. "You have to _try_ , Malcolm." Oliver looked him steadily in the eye. "You are the most devious man I know. Figure out a way to keep her there."

Malcolm's brows knitted. "I don't understand you, Oliver. I would have thought that surely, you would want your lady by your side as you -"

"She's my wife. And Ra's has decreed that I must wed Nyssa al Ghul." 

Malcolm said nothing for a moment, just looked at the younger man thoughtfully. "Well. That certainly is a fly in the ointment."

"Yes. If Ra's discovers that I cannot wed Nyssa because I am married to Felicity, he will kill her in order to secure his wishes and the grandchild he wants." Oliver's voice became hard, Arrow-like. "Felicity must be protected."

Malcolm watched the fire for a few moments. "You know that I cannot stop her from coming. That would arouse too much suspicion before we're ready for it. But I'll try. And I pledge on the life of my children to keep her safe."

Oliver stared hatefully at Malcolm, who sighed and put up his hands. "Okay, so you were probably the wrong person to make that oath to."

Footfalls crunched against the cold sand in the distance, and Oliver hissed, "Go. Protect her. Protect them all."

But Malcolm was gone.

>>>\------->

Maseo came upon Al Sah-him sitting by the fire and occupied the rock near him without asking for an invitation. The two sat in uncomfortable silence, watching the fire crackle between them. The silence was heavy and full of things that needed to be said, but both men sat casually staring at the dancing flames, silently daring the other to break the silence. 

Maseo was first. He looked to Oliver and spoke, "Marriage will become you, Al Sah-him." Oliver flinched almost imperceptibly and Maseo relaxed. "The herbs have worked. You remember."

Oliver looked at him, confused and suspicious. "What herbs?" he demanded.

"You are no longer being drugged by Ra's and have been given an herb to clear your mind by me. Do you not remember who you are, your life before two months ago? Do you not feel the instincts and think the thoughts you had as Oliver? Are you not ready to fight your way home?"

Oliver's hand went to the hilt of his sword and he stared at Maseo. "I do not trust you. You gave the AlphaOmega to Ra's..."

"I did. I was destroyed by grief and did not care what happened to me or anyone else. I never dreamed I would see you again, nor Tatsu. I never dreamed I would have hope, nor dream of anything but the destruction of everything in this world. But I believe in you, Oliver. I believe you can be the one to take down Ra's, or become Ra's. You are a good man. Akio knew it, and I trust Akio."

Oliver just scowled at him, confused. "What happens now?"

"There is someone who will help convince your friends to help you save the city."

"Tatsu."

Maseo shook his head. "No. They will not immediately accept her word, although she will help. No, I have contacted an associate of yours. They will help rally your troops when the time comes."

Oliver closed his eyes and clenched his fists. _Please don't let Felicity be a troop._

>>>\------->

Felicity was sure that if her heart were ever going to break, the moment would be now. Oliver had left her in the dungeon of Nanda Parbat, chained by the wrists in an impossibly cliche stone room with John, Ray, Laurel, Malcolm, Tatsu and Cisco. 

It had all started so well, too. Cisco had been suspicious that the plane they were taking down may be a decoy, so he insisted that he come along to disarm the compound with some tech he had. He hadn't gotten the chance; once the plane went down even more league members surrounded the group and took them prisoner. There was nothing they could do, so they had surrendered. 

To Oliver. Her husband.

He had had a moment of being himself before they were presented to Ra's, and he'd asked her to trust him, that all would be revealed soon. She did, implicitly. But then it came out that he was marrying Nyssa, and the pain that hit her like a punch to the gut kept her from shouting that he couldn't - that he was already married to her. But by the time she regained her ability to speak, to protest her marital status to the Son of the Demon, they were being taken to the dungeon on his order. Now she was shackled in a stone room, her friends in chains around her, and her trust in him was shattered.

The door to the dungeon opened and a League member stepped inside, looking directly at Felicity.

"Ra's al Ghul demands your presence."

She lifted her chin defiantly, her eyebrows forming a tight 'V' directly over her nose. "Tell Ra's al Ghul to go fuck himself."

The League member strode over confidently and backhanded Felicity, knocking her to the stone floor. She landed hard on her shoulder, unable to catch herself due to the shackles restraining her hands.

The prisoners around her, all of whom loved her, roared in unison, straining their bonds to get to the hooded man or Felicity, who lie with a bleeding lip. Cisco and Ray reached Felicity and Cisco cradled her head, looking at the swelling red mark on her cheek. The League member paid no attention to them, standing over Felicity and waiting for the other prisoners to settle down.

When they had quieted: "Ra's al Ghul demands your presence."

Felicity sat up slowly and nodded, a tear leaking from beneath her glasses and hitting the stone floor. The assassin bent down and jerked Felicity to her feet, pulling her away from away from Cisco's lap. He opened his mouth to protest before Ray shushed him.

The hooded man dragged Felicity from the dungeon, and as the door clanged shut there were anguished cries from behind it.

>>>\------->

She was shoved into Ra's chamber, the same room that she had met him weeks earlier. He stood with his back to her, looking out of his balcony doors upon the desert night. Felicity gained her footing and stood upright, straightening her shoulders as best she could through the pain. She would not allow this man to see her broken, not if she could help it. She would remain steely strong as long as she could. It would take more than a few bumps and bruises to break Felicity Meghan Smoak, by God.

"I understand that you did not want to see me." Ra's did not turn around, and it wasn't a question. 

"I have nothing to say to you, and I don't want to even look at you."

Ra's chuckled and bowed his head before turning to her. His face darkened at once upon seeing her bloodied. "Who hurt you, girl?" She said nothing in return, just stared at him defiantly. His voice thundered, "I asked you, _WHO?_ "

"What does it matter which one of your goons hurt me? You're going to kill me anyway. What does it matter if I get roughed up a bit beforehand?"

Ra's crossed the room to her, clutched her face and looked at her menacingly. "I have no intention of killing you, child. You are valuable to me, very valuable. Even if you weren't, you are precious to Al Sah-him and may be useful in his transition. But I asked you a question and expect my questions answered. I may not kill you, but I'm not above removing your smart tongue."

Felicity cowered, noting the glint of the blade in his waistband. "I don't know which one it was, honestly. His face was covered, I couldn't tell him apart. He left the room after he put me in here. That's the truth."

Ra's searched her face, looking for the truth, then gently pushed her face away from him, grunting. He called to a guard by the door. "You. Carry the word. This girl is not to be touched, by anyone. If I see another blemish on her skin, the punishment will come directly from me and will be severe. This is the will of Ra's al Ghul."

The guard nodded once, then left the room. Felicity watched Ra's closely as he stalked around. He didn't speak for a while, he just paced quietly. Felicity noted that as the seconds ticked, his footsteps softened and the tension seemed to ebb from him, until he seemed ready to speak to her again.

"It is most fortunate that you came here, child. It pleases me greatly." Felicity watched him with narrowed eyes. "When we destroy Starling City, I was going to have to send men to kidnap you and get you away from the impending death, then bring you back here. Instead," he made a broad, sweeping motion, "You come here to me. I feel I must thank you."

Felicity didn't speak. Ra's saw the anger she stared at him with and chuckled. "If skills as a killer could be borne of the rage in one's eyes, you would be the deadliest of us all."

"You've ruined him. You've stolen him. And now you're making him marry Nyssa."

"I've helped him achieve his potential, and yes. Your husband will be marrying my daughter. He does not protest."

Felicity's anger turned to shock and she took a couple of steps back. Ra's smiled, somehow mocking and gracious at the same time. "What is it, girl? You did not think I would know that you wed Al Sah-him? Do you not think I know the reason why? I found out two weeks ago. Your marriage has been voided." 

Felicity's mouth worked soundlessly. _Annulled?_ Fragments of thoughts sprung to her lips but nothing escaped her mouth, and she was left looking like a fish struggling to breathe.

Ra's ignored her, apparently intending to talk over whatever she would have been able to muster up. "I am sorry, child. I never intended for you to become a victim of Al Sah-him's ascension; as I mentioned, you are very important to me and my plans. I do believe, as I told you when you were here before, that you and Wareeth al Ghul are mated. However, some lovers will love each other their whole lives and never be together, even soulmates. So it must be with you and Al Sah-him." Ra's walked to his table and poured a glass of wine for himself. "He will marry Nyssa and secure the bloodline of Ra's al Ghul. It is my will, and my will is always done. Even by Al Sah-him."

" _His name,_ " Felicity snapped, her voice loud and tears spilling onto her cheeks, " _is OLIVER QUEEN!_ "

Ra's looked at her sympathetically. He took a large drink from his goblet, then set it down. "I will not force you to partake in the wedding festivities. Even I am not that cruel. You are excused, and will be given a room of your own. Your friends, however, are to be killed anon. You will be escorted to your room now - in moments the wedding will begin and I will gain a son."

It was too much. Felicity fell, broken and crying, to her knees, her head bowed. Ra's hesitated for a moment, looking at her pitiful form kneeling in the floor a few feet away. He was very used to people kneeling in subjugation, in fear, in gratitude or in desperation for his favor. He was not, however, used to quiet, dignified crying like this young girl displayed. He felt more affection for this girl than his own daughter, and seeing her like this brought him no pleasure. He felt momentary surprise - the daughter of his bitter enemy crying out like a wounded animal at his feet should be a boon, but he felt no joy from Felicity's bitter pain. 

Ra's walked over to Felicity, placing one hand gently on her blonde head. She did not flinch or shrink away from him and he admired her mettle. _Yes. She will be useful, indeed._

He removed his hand and swept towards the door, his air of authority returned as he motioned towards a guard. "You. Take her to a room, make her comfortable. Not one scratch. _Not one scratch._ "


	10. Reparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Escape from Nanda Parbat, saving Starling City, and riding off into the sunset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot different. It's a supplement/retelling of 3x23 to fit it into this story. Parts that have been skipped (like the fight with Ra's, the distribution and method of defeat of the Alpha/Omega) don't have much of an effect on this story, so I left them out of here. I'm making the assumption that all of you saw the episode and asking you to just accept that they happened here. The things that are written here are canon deviations or my headcanons for extra things that happened off-camera. We'll pick back up with full-blown storytelling next chapter.
> 
> I own nothing but mistakes, because there is no beta.
> 
> When you leave a comment, Oliver smiles. When you leave kudos, Felicity fistpumps. Whenever you share a fic - ANY fic - Felicity smacks Oliver right on the ass as he walks by and catches him by surprise. It's fun to watch.
> 
> I try to reply to every comment left, good or bad. <3
> 
> clintasha-n-olicity.tumblr.com

There were shouts outside her room. Felicity instinctively moved away from the door, taking backward steps and crossing her arms around herself protectively. 

The fight outside sounded louder, getting closer, until there was a large thud against her door. Felicity's heart pounded in her chest as the heavy door swung open until she saw a man dressed entirely in red standing at the threshold, smiling at her. Her arms dropped.

Barry Allen, the Flash, jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "Hey, did you know this place had a hot tu- oof!"

He wasn't able to continue; Felicity had launched herself at him and wrapped him in a tight, grateful hug. "Barry, I'm so glad to see you..." 

He heard the tears in her voice and wrapped his own arms gently around her, ducking his head down to her ear. "It's okay. We're leaving now. It's okay...you're safe."

She jerked back from him suddenly, grasping his shoulders tightly. "The others. Barry, are they...?"

"They're fine, Felicity. In fact, they should be..."

Diggle's gravelly voice came from far away, yelling her name, terrified. 

"...right behind me."

"You saved them?" She looked up at Barry with awe and appreciation.

"It was a team effort. Oliver-"

John yelled for her again, closer and more urgently, and she let go of Barry's arms with a squeeze. "You'll have to explain that to me." Running out the door, she yelled, "Dig! I'm here! I'm okay!"

>>>\------->

"I don't buy it," John said stubbornly. Felicity didn't have to look at him to see the set in his jaw. The motion of the plane was making her sick, but so far the morning sickness band she'd bought and slipped around her wrist seemed to be helping. She really hoped that she didn't lose it on the plane; only Dig and Cisco knew her secret right now, and she wasn't ready for a whole plane full of people to know she was carrying the baby of the man who had just tried to murder them all. So far, they all thought her morning sickness bracelet was a fitbit, and she was happy to keep it that way.

"You can not buy it all you want, Mr. Diggle, but the fact remains that this plane is flying at top speed to get to Starling so that we can attempt to stop Ra's from putting his plan into action. Oliver also has a plan. We are working together." 

Laurel spoke from the tiny doorway where she stood with her arms crossed angrily. "I don't believe anything you say. You murdered my boyfriend, and you murdered my sister. You're a sick bastard."

"I don't deny any of that. But I also directly saved your life twice in the past 24 hours alone. I would hope that would earn me a scintilla of your trust." 

Laurel snarled, "it doesn't," then turned away, fuming. Malcolm allowed himself a small, victorious smirk. 

Felicity spoke up from the seat she had been curled in beside Cisco, shadowed and mostly hidden. "You and Oliver have lied to us and endangered us. Multiple times. There is no reason for us to trust you. Either of you."

"But you will trust me, Miss Smoak. You will trust me, because it is in your nature to trust. You may hate me, and you may be angry at Oliver. Both of those feelings are justified. But you know - deep down in the recesses of your heart you _know_ \- that he loves you and would not harm you. You know that he would go to any lengths to protect you. And you also know that he would not put his trust in me without good reason. You may be very angry at him, but eventually you will forgive him because you trust him. And right now, to trust him is to trust me."

>>>\------->

"How did you expect to survive the plane crash?"

Oliver looked her in the eye, guilt etched all over his face.

_"How, Oliver?"_

He said nothing, simply shifted his weight and let the silence speak for him.

Felicity's voice was choked with tears. "You were going to die. You were going to sacrifice yourself to beat Ra's, and your plan failed. You were going to leave me behind, to leave _us_ behind when you died to believe you'd actually tried to kill us in Nanda Parbat."

"There wasn't any other way."

Felicity didn't answer him; she spun on her heel and walked to her computer desk. Oliver saw one hand go to her mouth and another to her abdomen and his arms lifted a quarter of an inch to go to her, but Diggle spoke and stopped him. 

"I don't think I can ever trust you again, Oliver. But we have much bigger problems than broken trust and hurt feelings right now."

Oliver reluctantly looked away from Felicity. She was crying, but something was off that he couldn't place. He looked over at Diggle. "You're right. I'm sure Malcolm has told you that we don't have much time. Did he give you instructions?"

Diggle gave a curt nod. 

"We should follow them."

>>>\------->

Oliver sat silently, lost in thought. His fingers traced the blade of the sword that had beaten him, the blood that had flowed out of him on top of that mountain and left him as close to dead as he ever hoped to be now a dark, dark brown. 

He wasn't exactly sure how he felt about the weapon that had killed him being on display. He supposed that there was only a little of him left: Oliver had left the old side of him on Lian Yu when he was rescued, and now held very little store in non-essential materialistic things. There were probably some clothes of his they could have grabbed but displaying a pair of levi's? No, that was ridiculous. And there were precious few photos of him after his return from the island - he hadn't been the playboy and paparazzi magnet he had been before. Team Arrow didn't exactly go out for drinks and have their picture made, so a picture in a frame didn't make sense, either. 

Plus, he supposed the sword could serve as a symbol of sacrifice. Of what they had lost, what had been taken from them.

But at this moment, it just made him sad. It served the same purpose to him, and he was already constantly aware of what Ra's had taken from him. It had been brought home especially hard earlier tonight. She was lost to him, probably forever, and even if he survived this night she would never be his. He'd been foolish to dream of anything else.

"Hey."

Felicity was peeking around the corner, her ponytail hanging perpendicular to the ground but diagonally from her head. She held a cup of coffee, and her eyes were less hard than they had been earlier.

"I've got coffee. I swore I would never bring you any coffee ever again, but I figured that if any situation ever warranted a cup of coffee, it would be this one."

Oliver's heart stuttered to life. _Maybe there was a chance..._

He sat up a bit straighter as she approached, reaching his hands out to accept the hot mug. This mug wasn't full of coffee, it was full of hope. "Thank you."

Felicity looked at him for a second and then nodded, turning on her heel to walk away without a word.

"Felicity?" She stopped without turning around. "Will you sit with me, just for a moment?"

She turned around and shook her head. "Oliver, I don't -"

He set the mug down. "I know there's so much to do, but there's so much I need to say and I may not have a chance after tonight. Please."

She stared at him for a moment, and he looked back, desperately trying to convey the guilt and remorse he wanted to express through his eyes. After a few seconds that seemed like an eternity, she nodded and came to sit across from him.

Oliver reached out to take her hands but she pulled them away. He didn't react, didn't look up, he just clasped his hands in front of him. 

"Saying 'I'm sorry' is the most inadequate thing I could ever possibly say. I love you, Felicity, and it may sound terrible but I was desperate to protect you. I made a deal with the devil to save you from another devil. I couldn't stand the thought of something happening to you..."

Felicity's tone was acid. "So you were going to let something happen to you, instead. Tell me, Oliver, did it ever occur to you what it might do to me if you died? If I had no hope of you coming back? Did that ever occur to you?"

The look on his face apparently indicated that he didn't, and she continued: "I would never be okay again, Oliver, if something happened to you. You are - were - my husband -"

Oliver interrupted briskly, "What do you mean, 'were'? You think that the thing in Nanda Parbat is binding? Because it's not. I had Malcolm look into-"

Fat tears fell from behind Felicity's glasses. "That doesn't matter. Ra's had our marriage annulled."

Oliver was stunned. He fell back in his chair, his back hitting the back of the chair with a soft thud.

"So you see, it doesn't matter if your marriage to Nyssa is legal or not, if you consummated it or not - none of that matters. Because we're not married." Tears fell in earnest and she swiped at them angrily. 

"What if -" Oliver looked over her head, as if trying to find the words he needed on the wall behind her. "What if he were lying? Ra's is a bastard. He'll do anything to accomplish his means."

"Even if he was lying, you married Nyssa." She spat the last word like an epithet. 

"I _had_ to, Felicity. There wasn't any other way."

She stood, the backs of her knees knocking the chair back a couple of inches. "Oh, I am so _sick_ of hearing that there wasn't any other way! You could have done something! You could have at least told us, told _me_ so I didn't...so I wasn't..." She broke off and buried her face in her hands, crying loudly. Oliver stood up, crossing to her, watching her carefully. He held his hands over her shoulders helplessly for a moment, undecided, before he laid them on her gently and pulled her to him, close. She melted into him and cried into the rough hardness of his League armor. Oliver tucked her head under his chin and sighed, pulling her closer. How could he ever make this better? 

She didn't give him the chance to find out. She pulled from his embrace and backed away. "You were lost to me. I thought you were gone forever," she said, snuffling. "I lost hope. I lost faith. And I believed in you right up until I knew you were marrying Nyssa and killing our friends." She walked across the room and sat in her computer chair, burying her face in her hands. "I don't know if I can ever forgive you, Oliver."

Oliver watched her struggle with herself for just a moment, fighting his own battle internally. Eventually, he went to her, getting on his knees before her. When she sat up, surprised, he grabbed the arms of the chair and pulled her closer, sliding between her knees and resting his hands easily, non-threateningly on her thighs. He looked up into her watery eyes for a moment and spoke:

"Felicity, I have a lifetime of apologies to make for the last few months and there is no way I can make them all tonight. We both have a job to do and we know it. But I _want_ to make those apologies, all of them. Over and over. All I can do is tell you now that I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry for all of it. That I love you, you are the most important thing in the world to me, and that all I'm asking is for you to give me a chance to apologize correctly when all of this is over." 

Felicity swiped at her eyes one more time, then shook her head. "No, Oliver."

Oliver rocked back on his heels, his face pale and drawn. "No?"

"You're forgiven. I forgive you."

His shoulders sagged and head dropped forward to land on her leg, and he impulsively kissed her denim-clad leg in pure joy and gratitude before he nodded and whispered, "thank you."

"That doesn't mean I'm not angry and hurt and that I understand everything. It just means that I love you and won't punish you for it."

Oliver nodded again, then looked up at her. "I'm so sorry, Felicity." 

"I know, Oliver. Two years ago, you wouldn't have said or done these things. But you've become someone else - you're something else. You've allowed yourself to care about people. Life gave you an opportunity to let people in, and you did. That's going to be your advantage over Ra's, Oliver. He is what you used to be. He can't feel, he is only fighting for power, fighting out of habit, for what he sees as right or good, he's grasping with greed. You are fighting to defend what you love, the things you _need_. Oliver Queen didn't have that before, and neither did the Arrow. But you've become something else, and this person," she put her hand on his chest, "does have that. Something worth fighting for. You have people you love. People worth living for. 

Fight to live, Oliver. I love you. I'm standing in your corner." 

Oliver reached up, pulling her down for a kiss, telling her without words how much he had appreciated hearing what she'd told him.

"Well," he said, smiling against her mouth, "Ra's is doomed."

>>>\------->

Oliver was falling.

He had relived this moment a hundred times in his dreams, but it was real. He was really falling. 

He thought of Felicity, and a vision of her with Lyla and Diggle at the hospital holding a newborn Sara flashed before his eyes. The stab of longing in his heart was more painful than the sharp thud of the bullets against the league armor. He heard Felicity's ghost as she laughed in his ear, and then whispered she loved him as she stroked her hand up his chest like she had during their night in Nanda Parbat.

As final thoughts go, they were as good as it got.

A blunt force hit him from behind and he let out a loud _oof_ , then wondered why he was able to even let out a sound.

Why was he thinking?

Why was he _flying?_

Turning his head slightly to the left, he saw the blue and red lights of the Atom suit and groaned. Ray. Fucking _Ray._ He liked the guy, but...ugh. _Ray._ But at least...he was alive. He'd see Felicity again. He'd be Ray's best friend forever from this moment just for giving him that.

They landed and Oliver took a couple of steps away, before turning back to thank Ray and get an update on the status of the city.

"If I could figure out how to get this off, I would be kissing you right now."

Oliver had never seen anything more beautiful in his life than her face, lit up inside that stupid suit.

In his dream, she had saved him by talking him out of going. In reality, she had saved him after he was surely dead. 

Felicity meant joy, and this woman was surely his. 

His smile was brighter than any he could remember giving in years.

>>>\------->

_"...The number of casualties would have been much higher had it not been for brilliant nanotechnology that was able to contain the contaminant. This technology had been in production at Palmer Industries and was perfected tonight in an emergency context by Mr. Ray Palmer and Mr. Cisco Ramon. The use of the nanotechnology to save the lives of millions tonight should certainly quiet the naysayers who have been vocal against the use of -"_

_"YAAAAAH!"_ Cisco jumped to his feet and yelled, with one fist raised in the air. "That's _SCIENCE_ , BITCHES!" He turned to Ray, and the two double high-fived. Through clenched teeth, he cheered himself: "That's what I'm _talkin' about. YEAH BUDDY._ " 

Felicity smiled at her friend, then went to give him a congratulatory hug. 

>>>\------->

"Can I say something strange?"

Felicity looked at Oliver expectantly, a tiny smile playing at the corner of her lips. 

"I'm happy."

The smile broke free, spreading across her face as she snaked her hand across to his leg. He reached down and threaded his fingers with hers, holding her hand in a loose but firm grip.

"Oh yeah? Why is that?"

"Well, I've got most everything I ever wanted. Right here in this car."

"Most everything?"

"Well," Oliver's eyes twinkled, "the Batmobile wouldn't fit."

Felicity laughed, and he looked at her for just a moment before turning his attention back to the road. She regained herself after a moment, but the large smile stayed firmly plastered on her face when she changed the subject.

"So, we never established. Where to?"

"Well, for reasons I'm sure you can understand, I'm not super crazy about the idea of an island somewhere."

She snorted. "No, I suppose not. So, what? Mountains then? And how long are we staying away?"

"Well, Ms. CEO, I would suppose you have to get back to work soon."

Felicity looked dumbfounded. "How did you -"

"Ray told me. He also told me that if you wanted to eventually change the name back to Queen, there wouldn't be any hard feelings, but there's a clause that it has to stay Palmer for a year." Felicity digested this quietly, and Oliver squeezed her hand. "Felicity, this is YOUR company. I don't have an MBA, I don't know what to do with it. I think you should change the name to whatever you want, or you can keep it Palmer. Whatever you want."

"You're lying."

Oliver shifted his eyes at her quickly, then looked back at the road. "Am not."

"Are too. It matters to you. I can tell."

"How can you tell?"

"Please, Oliver. I've been able to see through your bullshit from the first day you walked into my office. You haven't gotten any better at it."

Oliver chuckled and pulled down the sunvisor. "Okay, so it being Palmer bugs me a little, even now. But still, you do whatever you think is best. Give it a brand new name. Don't figure me into it. Okay?"

"Okay. But back to what we were talking about: where are we going?"

"Dunno. How about...Vegas?"

Felicity made a disgusted face and false shudder. "Ugh. No." 

"Why not?"

"Because it's my hometown," she said, as if this were the most obvious thing in the world. "My mother is there."

"You don't think she'll be happy to see you? Us?"

"She'll be thrilled, and that's the point." 

"Okay then. How about New York?"

Felicity shook her head. "How about somewhere far away from here?"

Oliver looked over at her, inscrutable. There were places he could not - would not- go. "Where are you thinking?"

"Paris. London. Rome. Romantic cities."

Oliver pondered for a moment. "A European tour?"

"Sure! Why not?" Felicity was getting bubbly, and it was hard for him not to get excited with her.

He considered for a few minutes. "Okay, how's this. We'll do five days each in four countries: England, France, Italy, and the US. We can do less if we want. But then we'll come home after three weeks. Sound good?"

Felicity clapped her hands. "Yes!"

Oliver looked over at her a couple of times without moving his head. "And when we get home, maybe we'll start apartment hunting?"

Felicity got very still for a second, before a slow smile crept up her face. "Maybe we will, yeah. May need more space in a few months."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote that little scene with Cisco, despite it being incongruous, non-Olicity and completely goofy _JUST_ because I felt like it was completely and utterly Cisco and I want him to get more credit for being as awesome as he is.


	11. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver and Felicity start out on the journey of getting to know each other better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I own nothing but mistakes, I have no beta but myself.
> 
> Comments, kudos, all that keep me going (and I've been struggling with this lately. More at the bottom.)
> 
> clintasha-n-olicity.tumblr.com

Oliver sat in the soft leather of the private jet - _Felicity's jet,_ he reminded himself - and watched the clouds over the Atlantic pass below him, soft and blindingly white. He'd been reluctant to get on the plane; very few plane trips in recent memory had ended well for him, and this particular jet had Ray Palmer's name on the side. In the end, though, Felicity tugged his hand and smiled, calling his name and singing a line or two of "London Calling". He laughed and did what he always did when Felicity was concerned - he followed the pressure of her hand and climbed the stairs to the jet. 

His instincts - so finely honed after years on the island and elsewhere - had not yet dulled, though, and he was jumpy. It had only been a little less than three days ago (66 hours, if we're being exact) that he was on another plane heading for Starling City, preparing to die. Oliver was sure that Felicity would understand his hesitance and anxiety since she seemed to understand everything about him (even the things that he didn't), but he didn't want her to know how anxious he was. He didn't want to _be_ anxious. 

Oliver wondered how long it would take before she would be able to work the demons out of him, and if she ever truly would. She was the only person who seemed to know his emotional makeup, at least in part. The time was coming for him to not hold anything back from her. He intended to make her his wife soon. If she would have him. The first time had been a necessity, he hoped now she would actually want him. There were things he couldn't ever tell anyone, but as much as he could trust anyone to know anything, he wanted to tell her. He could trust her, and he knew she wouldn't use the information as a weapon against him. She would never use what he had done in his past to tear him down - in fact, she frequently used it to build him up. 

_My God,_ he marveled, _I don't deserve her. I just don't._

Oliver heard movement behind him and she came down the aisle of the jet as if he had summoned her with his thoughts. He turned his head to look at her, confirming with himself that she was there, that she was really corporeal and not an illusion brought on by the drugs Ra's had been feeding him. He was afraid it was going to be a while before he trusted his own mind, at least fully.

She was there, alright, and he smiled until he saw her pallid complexion.

"Felicity?" He moved to stand as she sat down in the seat across from him. "Sweetheart? You okay?" 

"I'm fine," she answered, giving him a weak smile. "Airsick bracelet just isn't working so well this time."

Oliver's brows knitted. "I didn't know that you got airsick." Felicity scrubbed her forehead and made a noncommittal 'mmm' sound. He reached across to put his hand on her knee. "Is there anything I can do?"

She shook her head not looking up. "No, not unless you want to distract me from feeling like total poop."

Oliver's eyes darted around for a minute, thinking. "So we're going to England first, right? Ever been there?" Felicity shook her head. "Well, what do you want to do?"

She looked up, finally, resting her head on the back of the seat and leaving a ghost of a smile on her lips. "I'd like to do London for a day or so. Picadilly Circus, Tower of London, Platform 9 3/4, try to distract the beefeaters, you know. The usual." She squirmed in her seat a little, getting comfortable. "How about you?"

"I'd like to see stonehenge, and play golf in Scotland."

Felicity's head rolled to one side, landing at an angle against the seat beside her. "That sounds fun. I can't play golf, though, so I'll just sit on the veranda if there is one."

"Maybe eat some haggus?" Felicity's face took on a greenish tinge, and Oliver immediately apologized, taking it back and suggesting fruit instead. 

"That I think I can do," she said, curling her legs up into the seat and closing her eyes. 

Oliver stood, reaching into the overhead compartment and pulling down a soft blanket. He laid it over her and planted a kiss to the top of her head. "Sleep and feel better, sweetheart."

"Oliver?"

"Yeah?"

"Did your dad play golf?" She opened her eyes and looked at him.

Oliver was nonplussed. "My dad?"

"Yeah? Is that why you want to play golf?" Oliver didn't move, he just kept looking at her. Felicity sighed after a moment. "I want to know more about you, Oliver, and I want you to know more about me. Who we were makes up a huge part of who we are. And I love who you are - everything you are - but I'm curious how you got here."

Oliver opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off, holding up a hand that got caught up momentarily in the blanket he'd just lay over her. "I know that you've got horrors in your past from the island, and I'm not asking you to relive them. I just want to know a few Oliver stories. Doesn't have to be from the island, I'm sure there were no good times there."

He paused for a moment, before speaking. "It was miserable, yes," he said, sliding back into his seat. "And no, I don't like talking about it. There are things that happened, that I did, that I can never talk about - ever - with anyone. Even you. But there are other things that I'm keeping to myself that I don't have to. I wouldn't share them with just anybody, but I feel like I _could,_ " he paused, "like I could tell _you._ " He looked away. "I feel like you would know how far to push me and when to back off. You'd know when to stop and when to keep going even if I hollered 'uncle'."

Felicity waited silently. Oliver didn't look at her, he looked anywhere but her. He examined his hands and feet, until he finally looked out of the window. Finally, he began.

"When the ship went down, I was all about having a good time. That was my primary objective in life, seeking pleasure. Tommy and I - you would have loved Tommy - but he and I partied, we ran around with girls, we drank, we got high. There was no form of entertainment that we didn't engage in. So when I got marooned on an island, it wasn't like I had been a boy scout for my whole life and knew any survival techniques. All I knew was how to have a good time."

Felicity just nodded and waited for him to continue. She'd made up her mind to get a single happy story out of him today if her life depended on it. He may be writing happy stories in his life now, but there were happy stories before the island and there had to be some on or around the island. Some time a duck outsmarted him. A pretty sunset. _Something_. 

"Felicity, do you remember the day that Ray won the bid for QC away from me?"

Felicity nodded.

"Do you remember that there was that new strain of vertigo around, and it was showing me myself?"

She nodded again. "And I told you that I thought it meant that I was afraid of what would happen if I let myself be Oliver Queen?"

"Yeah."

"I'm still afraid. Oliver Queen -" he hesitated, "I was a dick before the Gambit went down, and I turned into a really terrible person in those five years. You would definitely not like that Oliver."

Felicity leaned forward, letting the blanket fall away, grasping his hand. "Do you remember when you told me that whatever it was I had been through, you were glad for it, because no matter what it was it had made me into what I am now, and you liked that person?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, ditto that." Oliver huffed a laugh and looked away. Felicity ducked her head trying to keep eye contact. "I'm serious, Oliver. I know that you must have done terrible things, things that you can't forgive yourself for. I know there were girls, drugs, drinking and all kinds of debauchery before the island. I know there was death and horrors on the island. I know everything that's happened since you've gotten back. And I don't care. I mean, I _care_ because those things happened to you but I don't _care_ , does that make any sense at all? Those things don't matter to me. What matters to me is the man you are here and now, with me." He shook his head sadly and looked out of the window. Felicity watched him for a moment, seeing the expression on his face, knowing him. She knew that sometimes he felt he was a lost man, a lost cause, and she knew that he wasn't. He was a good man. He was her hero - not just her hero, Starling City's hero. 

Felicity knew that no matter what he had been at any point in his past, that there had to have been a seed of this amazing man in there. The Oliver Queen she knew and loved had to have gone through hell to be planted and bloom, but he had, and she was so glad that he had. 

She came to a decision. 

"What matters to me is the kind of father you're going to be."

Oliver's head snapped up, looking her directly in the eye intently. "What?"

"I said 'what matters to me-'"

"I caught that. What did you mean by that? Are you..." Oliver's eyes narrowed slightly and he stared at her, his gaze piercing and intense. "Are we pregnant?" She didn't answer right away and he leaned forward, his look fierce and fixed solely on her eyes. "Felicity. Is that why you've been sick? _Are we pregnant?_ The truth, please."

Felicity bit her lip and her eyes watered. She'd never felt afraid of Oliver and was still not afraid he would hurt her, physically, but this reaction was not exactly what she had expected. She wasn't sure what she had expected.

She nodded.

In a blink, Oliver had her in his lap and was kissing her vigorously, his hands holding her face captive. She slipped her arms around his shoulders after her initial shock, releasing herself into his embrace and his kiss, letting his love wash over her. Felicity arched her body into his and he moaned into her mouth, pulling her impossibly closer, crushing her to him. His tongue delved inside her mouth and she noted with some amusement that he tasted faintly of coffee. She wondered wildly who had brought it to him and fought the urge to giggle against his mouth. She thought instead of the baby and how she was going to be coffee-free for a few months, but even that thought wasn't enough to stop the bubble of joy that brought a smile against his lips. 

Oliver pulled away, smiling against her lips as well before leaning his forehead against hers and trailing his right hand from her neck to her still flat abdomen. "Really?" he whispered, awed. "Are we really?" 

Felicity nodded again, smiling this time.

"When?"

"Around the holidays, first of the year."

Oliver beamed and pulled her mouth to his again with one hand, keeping his hand protectively over her belly. The kiss was short and somewhat inefficient; they were both smiling too much to really give it their all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've really struggled with the idea of keeping this fic going... The last chapter seemed like a nice, organic end, and I have had really mixed feelings about continuing from there or starting a new pregnancy fic. I had another fic that was similar and I took it farther than I wanted, and I ended up regretting it. Part of me feels like this is different, part of me doesn't. I don't know....I'm going to go ahead with it and hope I don't regret taking this further. I just don't see an organic end for it at this point, and that's a little worrisome for me right now, does that make sense?
> 
> Anyway, about this chapter: Oliver and Felicity know all about each other _now_ , but they know virtually nothing about each other prior to present day. I think I might play with them getting to know each other a bit. 
> 
> And if you guys want to send me some prompts (either for this fic or one-shots), please, please do!! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. <3  
> Caedmon/Haley


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